Another thirty minutes pass as I toss and turn before finally throwing off the covers and rolling from the bed. Unable to sleep, I pace the dark room. It’s as if there is an itch deep beneath my skin that is impossible to scratch.
The one person I long to see, the only one who can make it better, is asleep in her own bed in the apartment next to mine. She’s so close and yet a million miles away. We left my parent’s house around nine o’clock and arrived back at campus around eleven. The return trip to Wesley had been made in silence. It’s as if we’d both been lost in the whirl of our own thoughts.
Once we had reached her apartment door, I’d cupped her cheeks in my hands and pressed my lips against hers before quickly stepping away. It would have been all too easy to pick Alyssa up and carry her back to my place. The need to be buried in her tight heat had throbbed almost insistently through me. If there’s anything that could help soothe the painful memories circling through my brain, it was her. Instead, I’d restrained myself, knowing that Alyssa needed me to prove I wasn’t the same guy who walked away from her sophomore year.
Jenna texted on the ride home and told me how much she and Dad enjoyed meeting Alyssa. How they hope to see her soon.
Hint, hint.
Little do they know that the decision for our future rests solely in Alyssa’s hands.
As I swing around, ready to pace the length of the room, my phone lights up with an incoming message. I move closer before glancing at it.
Alyssa.
You awake?
That’s all it takes for me to pounce on the slim device.
Yeah. Can’t sleep.
Me, neither.
Want to come over?
Be there in a minute.
I toss down the phone and go to the apartment door, cracking it open and peering outside. Alyssa is already in the hallway, jogging toward me.
“Hi.” A hesitant smile quirks the edges of her lips.
I return the quiet greeting before opening the door fully and stepping aside. Once she’s in the entryway, I close it and nab her fingers with my own, towing her to my room. When the lock is secured, I lean against the door. The temptation to take her into my arms is so powerful that I clench my fingers in an effort to stifle the urge. Instead, I hold back, waiting for her to make the first move.
“Why weren’t you able to sleep?” I ask.
She jerks her shoulders, restless energy vibrating off her in heavy waves. “There’s a lot going through my head at the moment.”
“Mine, too.” Even though opening up isn’t easy, I know it’s what Alyssa needs, and so I force myself to add, “Most of the time, I’m able to forget Candace was ever part of my life but tonight brought up a lot of emotions. More than I realized.” More than I’m comfortable with.
Concern flickers across her expression as she closes the distance between us, stopping a foot from where I stand. “I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t have asked about her.”
Unable to control myself, I give in to the temptation and reach out, tugging her to me. Alyssa’s palms settle on my chest, but she doesn’t push me away. “No, I want you to ask questions. I’m trying hard to let you in, Lys. It’s not easy. I’m not used to it. I’ve kept everything buried inside for so long.” I pause for a moment as an ugly thought forces its way into my head. “For all I know, it’s too late for us.”
A puff of air escapes from between her lips. “I wouldn’t be here if I felt that way.”
The tension gathered in my muscles drains away, leaving me limp with relief. I didn’t realize how much I needed her to say that until she did. It gives me some much-needed hope where I wasn’t sure there was any. My arms band around her, drawing her closer until we’re pressed together. Her arms slip around my neck as she lays her head against my chest. The top of it fits perfectly beneath my chin.
Even though the words are scary to admit, especially out loud, I want to share them with her. “Sometimes I wonder where she is,” I whisper into the darkness that blankets us. “What she’s doing.”
Alyssa lifts her head and searches my face. “Have you ever tried to find her?”
Find her?
Hell, no.
Even the thought is enough to make my palms sweaty. I shake my head. Part of me is deathly afraid of what I’d find. In a way, it would be like opening a Pandora’s box. Once you do that, there is no shoving everything back inside.
“Is that something you’re interested in doing?” she asks, breaking into the chaotic whirl of my thoughts. “Looking for her?”