But the last time we had sex was different. No longer could I pretend that it was mindless screwing. Her feelings freaked me out, and I pushed her away. I made damn sure to blow up our relationship. Not once did it occur to me that moving on from her would be impossible.
A soft sound escapes from Alyssa as she shifts against me. My fingers still. I’m nowhere near ready for this interlude to be over. For a few more minutes, she drifts in and out of sleep before cracking open an eye and turning her head until our gazes can collide. It takes a moment for her to blink away the sleepiness.
My muscles lock, waiting to see how this scenario will play out.
“Morning,” she finally says.
Sometime during the night, her top was shed, leaving her as bare-chested as I am.
I clear my throat along with the thick emotion trapped inside it. “Did you sleep good?”
“Yeah, actually I did.”
Ever since I was a freshman in college, I’ve made it a rule never to spend the night with a chick. Fucking is one thing. Sleeping with someone and having an awkward convo the morning after is quite another.
Alyssa has always been the exception to that rule. She’s the only girl I’ve held in my arms for hours at a time. The only one I’ve woken up with in the morning. I have no idea if it’s the same for her. I’ve done my best to blot out the nineteen months we spent apart. As much as I want to ask, I’m unable to summon the words. I have no right to delve into her past when I’m the one who forced her away.
“Me, too.” Even though I’m afraid to push my luck, the question escapes before I can rein it in. “What are your plans for the day?”
More of her drowsiness falls away as she watches me cautiously. “Homework. Maybe a little grocery shopping in the afternoon.”
As we stare at each other, it feels like I’m standing on the edge of a precipice. One careless misstep and I could plummet to my death. The fear of being rejected is terrifying, but I don’t allow that to stop me. “Maybe we could spend it together?”
Indecision flickers in her eyes as she gnaws her lower lip and glances away. “I don’t know. Is that necessarily a good idea?”
My hands go to her cheeks, forcing her to meet my stare. “I told you that I’m not going to give up on you. Or us. We can take this as slow as you need. Just give me time to prove I’m not the same guy. That’s all I’m asking.”
My heart jackhammers almost painfully as a heavy silence stretches between us. I’ve done everything I can think of to change her mind. And maybe...maybe it won’t be enough. “Lys?”
She draws in a breath before whispering, “Okay.”
Relief rushes through me, leaving me to feel almost giddy. Before I can think better of it, I give in to the impulse rushing through me and lock my fingers around her wrists before flipping her over onto the mattress. A squeak of surprise escapes from her as I drag her arms above her head and pin them to the headboard.
I’m all about taking this slow, but I also want to feed the need she has. And I know exactly what Alyssa craves because it lives deep inside me as well.
“Colton...” A fine tremble works its way through her voice as she shifts restlessly beneath me.
“Yeah, baby?” My lips ghost over hers, never giving in to the baser urges clawing beneath the surface of my flesh. More than anything, I want to rip her panties away and bury myself deep inside her tight heat.
But I refuse to do that. The next time we have sex, there won’t be any question as to who she belongs to.
“You said we could take this slow,” she whispers.
I press my mouth to hers. “And so we will.”
With that, I release her wrists and pull away just enough to stare down at her. She’s so fucking beautiful with her wheat-colored hair spread out across the snowy white pillowcase. Her blue eyes are wide and watchful as a deep flush stains her cheeks. A thin scrap of material is all that bars me from her. My cock stiffens as a punch of arousal hits me full force. The urge to plunder her sweetness roars through me. It takes every ounce of restraint to beat back the need I have for her.
Even though I’m no longer holding her captive, her arms remain above her head as she shifts beneath my gaze. Her breasts are high and tight with little pink nipples that beg to be played with. When the temptation becomes too much to withstand, I lean over and capture one perfect bud. A whimper slips free from her as I suck it greedily into my mouth. After a few moments of torture, I allow the hard tip to pop free before drawing its twin between my lips.