Shoot, she wasn't sure she trusted herself that much. None of which she needed to think about now anyway.
The cargo planes slowed to a stop, side stairs and back hatches lowering until each clanked on the ground. The high noon sun reflected off the lumbering beasts. People packed the bleachers and milled around at the side, excited chatter the common denominator.
How many of these had she waited through, waiting for her dad, holding her mom's hand tight like now? How many more might she wait through for Carson? He stood to the side with the rest of the squadron at attention as the cargo hold full of green-suited bodies came into view.
First down the ramp, a stretcher carrying Bronco. He'd made it through surgery, surprising everyone with his sturdy constitution by being cleared for transport to come home with his squadron. Never leave your wingman.
He would spend a couple more weeks in the hospital here, but with his doctor wife to keep him on his toes, he would be fine. Joker strode beside him with his arm in a sling, his free arm extended for his fiancée.
Yet even with the smiles there remained an underlying solemnity for the missing man. Gabby's body had already been flown to the small Maine town where he and his wife had been high school sweethearts. The base had held a memorial ceremony that left her hands trembling, even now just remembering.
And then from the middle of the mayhem emerged her burly father, big and alive, someone she'd alternately adored and resented all her life, depending on which country he parked himself in at the end of the day.
She liked to think she was past those childhood hang-ups, but couldn't ignore how messed up her life had become lately. She hated to think that her crush on Carson had been some sad father-figure deal. Ugh. Regardless, she knew her feelings for Carson were anything but familial.
Her father pulled back from Rena and turned to his two adult children, little Jamie scooped up in one arm.
"Hey, Daddy." Nikki stepped into his open arm. "Welcome home."
"Thanks, baby girl." He dropped a kiss on top of her head, a quiet stalwart man who somehow still left such a void of silence when he was away.
She blinked back tears she refused to let mar this homecoming and stepped aside. Rena returned to J.T.'s side, so much love humming between them, Nikki inched farther away to give them more space even in public.
Her mind winged back to her father's return nearly two years ago after being shot down and captured, how her heart had been in her throat waiting for Carson, too. By letting Carson into her bed, yes, she was entertaining ideas of forever. She couldn't ignore it. Some folks had a more casual approach to sex, and that was fine by her, but for her life, she simply wasn't wired that way.
She was well-equipped for military life, she understood it, she'd lived it. She knew all the jargon, headaches, heartaches—the joys, as well. Yes, she could handle this with her hands tied behind her back.
But did she want to spend the rest of her life waiting on a tarmac with tears in her eyes?
Carson hated waiting. And waiting to get Nikki alone this week had been hell.
Only a couple more hours until duty could be placed on the back burner for the night. First, he had to finish in-processing the returning squadron members—paperwork, customs, turn in medical records and equipment while the families passed time at an informal gathering inside the squadron briefing room.
Not much longer and things would wind down. He strode through the corridor from his office back toward the buzz of voices. A door swung wide from the public bathroom. He dodged, just as Nikki stepped out.
Thank you. A reward at the end of a killer week.
He stepped closer without touching. "Hey you."
She smiled back. "Hey you."
"I've been going crazy this week wanting to see you." He advanced again.
Nikki stayed put, her smile full but her eyes...sad? "I understand you're busy."
Did she want space? Jesus, he was thirty-five years old, way past college-type dating scenes. Honesty. If they didn't go with that, then they were screwed.
He cupped her elbow and ducked into his office, door still open but out of the mainstream of nosy folks. Clear for the moment, he allowed himself to move closer, near enough to exchange body heat as he flattened his hand on the wall behind her. "Just because I'm busy doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you."
Her smile filled her eyes now, too, breezily confident Nikki meeting him one for one. On a sexual level they were able to communicate openly. "And what did you think about when I crossed your mind?"
While they were being honest... "You usually crossed my mind naked."
"Totally?"
"Would it be piggish of me if you were only wearing heels?"
"Do-me pumps? Hmm... I may own a pair."