The chubby-cheeked child snatched the treat and shoved it into his mouth in a shower of crumbs and cuteness. Carson ruffled the fella's dark curls, wiped the drool off the dog tag and climbed back up the ladder in the Price kitchen to replace the battery on the smoke detector.>"Thanks." Sort of.
"But while we're on the subject of that really scumbag thing you did for which you have finally apologized but never explained..." She dumped another load of pine straw, her face averted a little too conveniently to be coincidence.
"Noticed that, did you?" He leaned on the rake, taking in the overstiff brace of her shoulders and wanting to kick his own ass.
"Tough not to notice." She slumped back against the tree, hands behind her. "So why did you walk out the door and never bother to call? Or better yet, why did you invite me through your door in the first place?"
And into his bed. That much, at least, he remembered along with the feel of her bare chest against his as they'd tumbled onto the mattress. He'd just lost most of the parts between bed and waking up. The good parts, stolen by a drunken blackout. Finding Nikki n**ed next to him in the morning and knowing he'd broken her trust, her father's trust and his own code of honor made him realize he'd bottomed out.
He'd rolled his sorry, hungover butt off the mattress and found an Alcoholics Anonymous chapter. A.A. meetings had saved his life. Slowly, he was regaining his self-respect.
One day at a time. Never take it for granted.
"Why did I go to bed with you?" The truth wouldn't hurt any worse. He flattened a hand to the tree beside her head and let what he was thinking and feeling show for the first time in...he couldn't remember when. "Because I really wanted to be there, for a long time, almost from the first time I saw you. You were legal, but damn, you were young. And on that day, I was truly too much of a scumbag to stay away—"
"Stop." She clapped a hand to his mouth.
"Stop?" Speaking felt too much like kissing her hand, which messed with his head more than any drink.
"I've changed my mind." Her hand trembled. "I don't want to hear this tonight. I want to rake leaves and talk like we used to." Her hand fell away.
Her soft touch lingered, a simple caress when they'd shared far more overtly sexual touches and still he went stone hard, wanting her so much his teeth hurt. "Before you realized I'm a scumbag?"
"Yeah."
Wasn't that what he'd wanted as well in coming here tonight? So go. Leave. "Do you think you can really forget what I did that night?"
"I can forget for an evening."
Less than he'd hoped for but more than he deserved. "Fair enough."
Since she didn't move away he let himself keep staring into her eyes. What could happen outside in her parents' front yard while traffic inched past? Branches rustled overhead raining more pine straw around them, some catching in her hair. He lifted his hand and still she didn't move away, apparently as caught in this insanity as he was. He swept his fingers over her head. Silky strands. So damn soft that before he knew it he'd cupped the base of her skull.
Her pupils went wide, her gray eyes stormier still until he could have sworn the sun was sinking faster. So easily he could urge her closer. Or step forward. Or hell, just lean and taste her because it killed him, absolutely freaking killed him, that he only had spotty recollections of what happened between them that night.
He would give anything to have at least the memory of those lost hours. Although he suspected remembering would torment him even more.
The front door blasted open a second ahead of her brother Chris loping through onto the porch. "Mom sent me out to ask if Carson would like to stay for supper?"
A mom probably smart enough to realize things needed breaking up out front before he snapped the thin thread of Nikki's returning trust.
Carson backed away, shoving his hands in his pockets. He didn't deserve that trust, but he would be damned if he would abuse it again. As much as he wanted to climb those steps and hang out with this awesomely normal family and listen to Nikki's even more amazing laugh, he knew better now. He'd made a step in reclaiming their friendship, but would need to tread warily to resist stealing more.
"Thanks, but I need to get back to the squadron."
Chapter 6
She really needed to get back to work, but there were no new breaks in the investigation.
Nostalgia and longing mellowing her, Nikki stared down the empty corridor at the high school, only the rumblings of Saturday in-school suspension swelling from the lunchroom. At least she still had her tutoring stints here with older students until she resumed her junior high position. She glanced at her Minnie Mouse wristwatch she'd bought on a lark because she thought it would charm her cranky fourth period class.
Ten minutes early. Good. That would give her time to set up in the library.
Her footsteps echoed down the hall as she passed a poster announcing an FCA meeting. Good luck banners stretched for the basketball team along with a sign for the drama department's upcoming production of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
She ached to teach her students, to recapture the rash of that moment when youthful eyes lit with enthusiasm over learning something new. She even loved the challenge of breaking through with the surly ones. Junior high was such a pivotal time, building foundations and confidence to carry into this high school world with temptations and dangers beyond any she'd seen just a few short years ago when she'd graduated.
And the world beyond was definitely scarier than she'd ever imagined.