She'd certainly given him cause with all her talk about needing a definite understanding of how they would work through their problems. Yet only a few days spent back with Jack and he'd already filled her life and mind again to the point where the thought of just quitting knotted her stomach with as much tension as the notion of pressing ahead on faith.
"Well, Korba? Are you ready to let me be in the driver's seat for a change? Because I definitely have some plans to fill the next hour."
"I'd say that's one helluva move, Mon."
She held out her hand, heart thudding. Three lazy, loose-hipped steps brought him to her. Chair between them, he cupped the back of her neck and sealed his mouth to hers. Her knees went wobbly, her control not any steadier. >"What do you mean, you can't do this?" She needed him. A scary thought, but true. Private Santuci's words from earlier kept echoing through her head about living now or risk never getting to live at all because there was no guarantee their lives would ever get any easier. "Sure as hell feels like you can to me."
She shaped her hand to the length of him.
He laughed. A pained, choked sound. "I almost wish that was the problem."
Her fingers crawled up to his chest. "Then what's going on here?"
She arched into him, closer, even though the e-mail pager on his hip bit into her skin as much as his steely erection. Just when she thought he might answer her, the pager buzzed between them.
Relief splashed across Jack's face so damned obviously she wanted to punch him. Did he have to be that pleased about the interruption?
He nudged her away, yanked the handheld e-mail pager off his web belt. His thumb scrolled down as he read.
Unease itched along her already oversensitized skin. "Jack? What is it?"
His hand clenched a second before his forehead thunked to the door. Hot puffs of breath fanned down her neck, into her gaping flight suit.
"Jack? Damn it. Talk to me."
"Hang on a sec." His throat moved with a long swallow. "Nothing to worry about. Just a little good news for a change. A report from a SEAL recon run. The hostages are all where they should be. Sydney's where she should be."
"You had doubts?"
His eyes opened, fell away from hers then back. "There are always doubts until the minute we have them out of there."
Too many emotions churned inside her, faster, searching for a release. With Jack. "Then let's take comfort in this bit of good news right now, for heaven's sake, and let's celebrate, because there has been little enough of that lately."
"I want to be with you so damned much it hurts." He bit the words out through gritted teeth. "But it's still not right."
"I heard what you said about needing more from me, from us. I'm trying here, Jack."
He hit his head against the door. Once. Twice. "I know you are. God, this would be so much easier if we could go back to simple. I have to be straight up with you. There's something I haven't told you."
Her doctor mind-set immediately started clicking through horrific possibilities...
She grabbed the collar of his flight suit, twisted her fingers in the fabric until he met her face-to-face. "You're scaring me, Jack. I don't know what to expect. Stop stalling, okay? Just go for the Band-Aid yank approach and get it over with. Quick."
"I was married before."
Talk about stunned stupid.
Shock hit her first, followed by a stab of disillusionment. Jack had been married before? And he hadn't told her.
Never would she have guessed that would be his confession. Jack, the squadron player. The man who never got serious about anyone. His reputation had kept her at a distance for a long while. She might not have been searching for marriage, but didn't want to be a bedpost notch. Now to learn he hadn't shared even such a basic part of his past with her?
It hurt.
She'd condemned Jack for his cheeseburger-and-Elvis definition of love, but she'd thought at least it was open and honest and full-out. Now she knew otherwise.
"I realize I was wrong not to tell you. That's probably the only thing that kept me from exploding over the Yasmine deal. Still boggles my mind how we ever ended up in that chapel."
His regret slapped her. He'd chased her so hard and fast she hadn't considered his second thoughts. Her numb fingers unclenched from around his flight suit and she couldn't will enough feeling back into them to yank up her own zipper.