"I'll miss being with him all day, but I'm stronger now, more confident in myself and the support system I have in place."
"That's not what I meant." Stirrings of residual anger edged past his exhaustion. "Don't you think Patrick will miss me? Or that I'll miss him?"
Her grip on the edge of the crib whitened. "It will be harder for him the longer he has to grow attached to you."
Zach grasped her shoulders and turned her toward him, finding her face as pale as that tight-knuckled grip. "If you're so much stronger now, then give us a chance."
Patrick stirred, snuffled, then stilled with a sigh.
Julia's eyes slid back to Zach. "Do you think this is easy for me?" she whispered, her words laced with frustration. "I want to do what's best for the children."
"Bull."
"What? I can't believe you said that to me."
She tried to inch back but he held firm.
"Hell, Jules, I'll say it again if it will make you listen." He could see she was three seconds away from packing her high tops and swiping all those bottles of polish right off his dresser, into her bag and out of his world. "You won't stay because you're too scared to try. Fantasies are easy. Real life is hard. At least be honest."
"You want honest? Yes, I'm scared." She met him toe-to-toe, pain and pride stamped on her pale face. "So reassure me with a reason to stick around that has nothing to do with the children."
His hands fell away. A trick question? Regardless, he knew if he answered wrong, those polish bottles would be clanking their way into her suitcase within minutes. "I've given you solid reasons to stay."
"Not the one I want."
Okay, so she needed a reason to stay. The bottles received clemency for a few minutes longer. If he just knew what it was she wanted him to say. "Help me out here, Jules. I want to get this right, but I'm stumbling around in the dark."
"If I have to tell you, it doesn't count."
Ah, hell. He was screwed. Zach jammed the heels of his hands to his forehead.
"Women!"
The baby stirred. Zach grasped Julia's elbow to drag her across the hall into the study.
Shutting the door behind them, he spun her to face him. "Julia, I'm just a man, as clueless as the rest of them when it comes to understanding how a woman's mind works."
Exhaustion be damned, he would keep at this all night if that's what it took to make her understand.
She darted a pointed stare at his hand on her elbow. "Let go of me, please. I can't think straight when you touch me."
An endorsement for putting his hands all over her if ever he'd heard one, but he respected Julia too much to play that game, even if every fiber in him shouted to use any weapon to keep her.
He raised his hands, palms up.
"You want direction for this conversation? Fine then. Here it is, Colonel."
Sparks showered from her eyes. Zach prepped for anything.
"I love you."
Anything except that.
Just when he thought she'd thrown her last surprise at him, Julia flipped his world again, this time in a good way. Relief chugged through him. She loved him. He wanted to pump a fist through the air, shout...until he saw the defeated slump of her shoulders.
Zach reached to gather her close. "Ah, Jules—''
She batted his arms away. "Do not touch me! I may love you, but that doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that, hell yes, I'm scared this won't work. I'm scared of being hurt again." Her voice cracked on the last word.