"Commitment is about more than a piece of paper." Her soft-spoken words didn't dilute the power of the punch, "We both know this isn't a committed marriage beyond the summer when you leave for Alabama."
"Do you want it to be?"
What the hell had he said?
Shock leveled him like a SCUD missile.
Once the shock faded, the idea shifted around in his mind. Why impose a deadline that would end a good thing? A better-than-he'd-ever-imagined thing, judging by the scratches Julia's nails had left on his back tonight.
They'd started this for the kids, and his girls needed a unified front now more than ever.
And damn it, he'd grown attached to the little bruiser. He wanted to be there for those first steps.
Yeah, he'd been a rotten husband for Pam, but he and Julia were going at this from a different angle, as friends. Hadn't they both learned their lesson about romanticized views of marriage? Real life meant getting through a day at a time and that's just what he and Julia should do.
First he had to work past that stunned glaze in her eyes.
"Well? Do you want to give it a shot past the summer?" He took her silence as permission to persuade. "We're not doing too bad here. Why not give it a chance? We have the kids, friendship and incredible sex in common. That's more than a lot of people ever have."
"You aren't in love with me, Zach."
What was he supposed to say to that? "You aren't in love with me either, Jules. What's your point?"
"Without love, this isn't going to last. If we go beyond the summer, eventually one of us is going to break it off. Someone will get hurt, most likely the children, and the longer we're a couple, the worse it will be for them if they grow more attached to us being together."
Zach sifted through her words, searching for the best way around her defenses. Aggie nudged his hand with her nose. He reached behind him to scratch the dog's head while he strategized.
"Zach? I'm serious."
"I hear you." Even if he didn't agree. But he would wait to push it later when she didn't have that stubborn set to her jaw.
"That's it? You're okay with this?"
"I'm not happy about it, but you made your point."
She slumped back in the chair. Was that a hint of disappointment on her face or wishful thinking on his part?
Standing, Julia shifted the sleeping baby to her shoulder and tightened her robe. She stopped in front of Zach, holding her son to her like a shield between them. "Just so you know, I don't regret what we did tonight."
Before he could answer, she pressed her fingers to his lips. "But I will regret it if we weaken again without thinking it through first. We owe it to ourselves and the children to be honest with each other and hold steady to our plan. We let our hormones mess with our minds tonight. We lost our focus and that can't happen anymore."
He knew her too well to miss the ache in her eyes. Her arm cradled Patrick so protectively, but her fingers against Zach's face trembled. She was torn, and he could play on that now.
Except he would lose her trust. He needed to think beyond the moment.
Her hand fell away. He tracked her as she put Patrick in his crib. Time for a temporary retreat to rearm for the next advance.
Julia was dead wrong about losing focus on the kids.
Hell, he was a master at multitasking. He'd made a successful career of juggling fifty agendas at once.
They didn't need some fairy-tale version of love to build a relationship. Pam had vowed to heaven and back that she'd loved him even as she'd walked out the door. No way did he need any more of that in his life.
Julia's "welcome home" image had been a near replica of what he'd planned for himself all those years ago back in his father's one-bedroom trailer. He'd wanted a life and family different from the one he'd grown up with. Now that he finally had it, he wouldn't let it fall apart.
He hadn't risen through the Air Force ranks by admitting defeat at the first sign of opposition. Against what should have been insurmountable odds, he'd convinced Julia to marry him.
Now, he just had to convince her to stay.