She and Lance had nearly divorced. Her life had been thrown into such turmoil over his affair, she'd wondered if she would ever recover from the betrayal and learn to trust again. "A divorce doesn't necessarily erase all the feelings."
"In this case it sure as hell did." Hard and steady, his eyes met hers. "I do not harbor any lingering feelings for Pam. Our marriage was over long before she left. We stayed together for the kids."
Hope teased her, too much so. It shouldn't be so important that he convince her. But it was. "Then why did seeing her upset you? Don't even try to tell me otherwise."
He pushed away from the desk. "Geez, Jules, I'm scared as hell she's gonna rip my kids'
hearts out again."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh."
Julia sank to the sofa.
He dropped down beside her. "We got married so young, while I was still at Texas A & M. She didn't have a clue what kind of life we would have in the military. We went through four trial separations, even gave marriage counseling a shot before she walked for good."
An unwanted flash of sympathy stirred for Pam. Not that it excused how the woman had treated her children, but her difficulty handling military stresses somehow made Pam more human, and Julia didn't want the confusion that brought.
Hands between his knees, Zach twisted his wedding band around and around. "She couldn't take the Air Force way of life, the TDYs, the moving. The combat. During Desert Storm, Pam received one of those front-porch visits from the commander letting her know I was MIA."
Julia forced herself not to wince at the stab of pain his words inflicted. She'd wanted Zach to talk and she wouldn't let her own agenda interfere with what he needed.
"Her next visit from the commander wasn't too much better. They'd located me. I was a guest of the Iraqi people."
Horror prickled over her in icy shards. "You were a POW?"
"For two weeks until the war ended."
"How did I never hear about this?" Why hadn't he told her? "Do the girls know?"
"No, and I'd rather they don't know until they're older. I flew the A-10 back then, took some anti-aircraft fire and ejected over Iraq." He scrubbed a hand along his jaw. "Once they brought me in, my face was such a mess no way would they put me on television to use for propaganda purposes. I wouldn't have made much of a convincing poster boy for their cause if it looked like they'd forced me to talk."
A dark chuckle rumbled from him, but Julia didn't find anything in the least amusing. She blinked fast, searching his face. She traced one finger along his mouth, up into the one-sided curve of his smile, then to the other side.
His quirky half smile. Ohmigod. "Zach?"
"There's some residual nerve damage on the left side," he recited, his voice as calm as if relaying facts from one of those files on his desk. "Nothing extensive, just a half-asleep feeling."
Her throat clogged, her mind swirling with images of what he must have endured, all the details he'd left out of his sparse retelling. Her jaw worked, but she simply couldn't find words for this one. She caressed his cheek as if that might somehow heal the loss.
He gripped her wrist, turned his face to kiss her palm, then drew her hand away. "It's over, and only a two-week sampling of what guys in 'Nam survived for years."
"One day is too much."
He didn't answer, just stared at their linked hands. "When I came home, Pam had already left. Packed up Shelby and gone to her mother's. It took us over a month to put things back together."
All sympathy for Pam incinerated. Zach deserved better than that, and Julia couldn't escape the fear that she might not be any better for him if put to the test.
Zach hooked an elbow along the back of the vinyl sofa and angled toward her. "I'm only telling you so you'll understand how far back my marriage started falling apart. Every conflict after that, Somalia, Kosovo, Afghanistan, made it worse. When trouble started brewing in Sentavo, I knew it was over and we filed for divorce. She stayed with the girls until I finished my rotation overseas, but that was it for her. Believe me, when Pam and I signed those divorce papers, we didn't feel anything other than relief."
Heaven help her, she believed him.
She couldn't do anything about how Pam had failed him all those years ago, and she couldn't promise she wouldn't disappoint him in the end. But right now, she could be there for him the way he deserved. She could soothe a wound he seemed unwilling to acknowledge, but one that needed healing all the same.
She would give Zach the hero's welcome home he deserved.
Chapter 12