She didn't need to know about the boundary dispute heating in South America, or that he'd volunteered his unit for this mission so he could dig into control tower data linked to Lance Sinclair's crash.
Beyond what he owed Lance, Patrick and Julia, three other crew members had died that day. He needed answers.
"It's safe." He hoped. "But I can't promise you it will be next time. Julia, the last thing I want is to check out and leave my kids behind, but this is what I do. On any given day, war or peacetime, the US military has troops deployed in seventy countries. That's just the average. Humanitarian relief, drug intervention patrols, peace-keeping forces. War or no war, we're out there doing our job and it's not always going to be safe."
Julia stared at the floor. Did she even know her hands shook?
Skimming her drooping tank strap back up onto her shoulder, he wanted to hold her until she quit shaking. "I want you, no question about it. I've always been upfront about that, and turning you away right now is the hardest damned thing I've ever done."
He allowed his thumb to explore her fragile collarbone, a reward for holding strong.
"Think it through while I'm gone and see if my job is something you can handle before we go any further."
She looked up, direct with no wavering. Her hands might be trembling, but her gaze was rock-steady. "You missed out on something incredible tonight."
The soft skin beneath his callused thumb, and her eyes so passionate about everything affirmed that fact even more than her words. "I know."
His hand fell away and he stood. He swiped his T-shirt off the floor. "I'm going up to the office and clear out some paperwork before I leave."
Run a few hundred laps on the way.
He opened the door.
"Zach."
He glanced over his shoulder. "Yeah, Julia?'
"Could you go the extra mile in reassuring me while you're gone? A call when you land.
Let me know what you can so my imagination doesn't go crazy. The more I know, the less I'll worry. It's the things I don't know about that drive me nuts."
The weight of his half truths landed square on his shoulders, but damn it, this was different than the lies Lance had shoveled her way over an affair. This was about his job and giving what honor he could to Lance Sinclair for Patrick, a child he found himself thinking of as a son.
Telling Julia that Lance's reputation was even in question could only hurt her, likely for nothing. He was protecting her. No need to tell her anything more until after the investigation was complete.
Zach nodded. "I'll call."
As he walked away from Julia, he knew that even a month apart wasn't going to stop the inevitable. He would end up in her bed. It would be incredible. And it would be the first step toward a first-class crash-and-burn, because those half truths insisted he didn't stand a chance in hell of being any better a husband this go-round.
Chapter 10
Julia wiggled her toes in the foam separators while Ivy painted each nail. The girl's brow furrowed as she slicked on Five Alarm Red, a fitting color for Julia's night at a Valentine's Ball.
And, she hoped a red-hot night with Zach.
He'd been right to insist on a month's distance from the anniversary of Lance's death, but now, she was ready. No more waiting. Well, she would have to wait another hour until he landed from his TDY and dashed home to change. Then she planned to tear up one very sexy Lieutenant Colonel.
Uncomplicated passion. Just what they both needed as a haven from the stresses in their lives.
Julia shivered in anticipation.
Shelby's reflection in the mirror smiled back at Julia. "Hold still! Only a few more curls to go."
"Thanks, hon." Julia reached over her shoulder to pat Shelby's arm, grateful for her stepdaughter's smile more than her help.
The teen wielded the curling iron in a flurry of twists and spins, the thin wand creating a halo of spirals around Julia's face. Patrick squealed from his swing, feet pumping as he tracked all the activity with his eyes. Life felt good for the first time in over a year, longer than that actually, since she and Lance had been going through such rocky times.
God, she was more than ready to experience life again.