If it sounded too good to be true, it was, and this sounded beyond too good. "Julia, there's no need to put on a show. Sure somebody might stroll by, but this little domestic scene will say enough to satisfy the gossip hounds.">Shelby was at a band retreat.
Ivy at a sleepover.
Zach not due home for hours, since his plane wouldn't even land until eleven.
Zach. Flying.
Don't think about it. Nothing's going to go wrong.
Julia tapped the rocker into motion, the creak of the chair and Patrick's huffing baby sighs the only sounds in the empty house. She glanced at the clock. Five 'til nine. Only two more hours until he would be safely on the ground.
A routine mission. Nothing to worry about, she reminded herself. He'd flown often enough during the past couple of months.
Every time, she had thrown herself into the kids' routine to keep from thinking. Tonight was different for more reasons than the empty house.
It was the anniversary of Lance's death.
Julia cradled Patrick closer and looked heavenward. "I'm trying, Lance, trying really hard not to be mad at you tonight."
Mad at him for dying, for lying.
Except she knew she would forgive him anything because he'd given her Patrick. Julia cradled her son up to her face and kissed his brow. "Okay, sweetie, I guess it's time for you to sleep."
She stood, cuddling Patrick to her chest as she turned to the crib nestled under the window. After covering him with a black-and-white cow blanket, Julia clicked on the monitor, closed the door and headed for the kitchen. Consolation food was a must tonight.
Why did Zach have to fly today of all days?
Julia dug deep into the cabinet for a bag of caramels. Ripping the bag open, she unwrapped two and popped them both in her mouth.
She'd tried to stay busy helping Bronco decorate his house with pink balloons and ribbons for Kathleen and baby Tara's homecoming. She was happy for them, truly, but the whole happy-family, new-baby celebration stabbed her at the worst time. Which made her feel even crummier for envying them.
Julia stuffed another caramel into her mouth and chewed, already tearing the wrapper off the next one. Lights swept across the window, an engine growling in the driveway.
Her eyes flew to the clock. Nine-oh-three.
Julia chewed slowly while looking back to the kitchen door. She couldn't see through the window with her sedan blocking the spot. Probably just a car turning around. Not that she could make herself look away from the window.
The car shut off. The bag dropped from her hand, thudded and spilled on the counter.
She wouldn't answer the door. She didn't care that it was probably just Kathleen on the other side. Or maybe Ivy coming home early. No way would she go anywhere near that damn door.
The hell of finding the ominous trio of chaplain, doctor and commander waiting on her porch a year ago washed over her again. Julia inched two steps to the side, just three inches until she could see...a red truck. Zach's truck.
Relief turned her knees to mulch.
For five unrestrained seconds, she devoured the sight of him so big and alive. Thick, dark hair gleamed in the porch light. Broad shoulders ducked out of the truck, his brown leather flight jacket zipped up a chest she desperately wanted to climb all over so she could listen to the steady reassurance of his heartbeat.
Julia squeezed her eyes closed and slumped against the counter. Slowly, she slid down.
Okay, so he would find her sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. Better that than having him find her knocked out on that same floor if she pitched over.
Frenzy and fear whipped within her. What if that hadn't been Zach pulling into the driveway? What if another routine mission went bad tomorrow or the next day? Stupid, torturous thoughts hammered her, images that didn't accomplish anything more than to start her shaking all over again.
She needed something to make the fear stop. Tomorrow, she would be strong for the children. Right now, she needed momentary relief from the pain of the past thirty seconds and from whatever insanity had grabbed hold of her the past months.
She needed to lose herself in a raging hot night of sex with her husband.
* * *