"I don't want that."
"You'll be sad for a little while, but you'll be better off in the long run," she says. "You won't have anything standing in the way of your relationship with Alyssa."
"I don't want that."
She shakes her head. "You do. I can tell."
"No, Samantha, please don't--"
"Just go away! This is what I deserve. Why won't you let me do it?"
I bite my tongue. She's too old to make these kinds of threats, but I can't let her consider doing it again.
"I'm not better off without you," I say. "You're my best friend."
"But what about Alyssa?"
"I'll figure it out," I say.
She clings to me, crying until she's utterly spent.
It might be an empty threat. It might be a pathetic manipulation. But I can't take that risk.
I can't let her kill herself.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Alyssa is back in L.A.
She texts me. It's not much¸ little how are you's and I miss yous, but it morphs into full conversations.
They're about nothing important. She tells me about her film role. It's a romantic comedy, she texts. I'm the best friend. I've never been the best friend before, only the girlfriend. It was nice not having to do any heavy lifting. Just nodding and bouncing off the friend who is the star. I even get my own little subplot. My own love interest--the guy's best friend. God, I can't believe I took something so cliché. It's well done, I swear.
And I tease her about unplugging from technology. What were you doing when you were off? You know you're not Henry David Thoreau. The world won't appreciate a new version of Walden. There are important things on Tumblr you missed! People are upset about a new Disney movie appropriating other cultures. I tried talking about it with one of my clients, but she stared at me like I was crazy. I think she was picturing me naked.
She responds. Very likely. I mean, it can be tough with you looking all professional in that suit. You look so suave and accomplished. So respectable. But I'm sure she's motivated. She's probably in love with you. They're all in love with you, aren't they?
I respond. A little.
I can't blame them. If you were holding my hand, fighting to take everything from my awful ex, and looking at me with those big, pretty eyes.
The eyes again?
She replies. What can I say? They're fucking gorgeous. I get lost in them. And when you smile--forget about it. Your eyes light up, and your face fills with the purest joy. I think you had me the first time you smiled. I wanted to see that a million more times. I would have done anything to keep seeing your face light up.
Even though you were engaged to Ryan?
We both know you were only talking with me to make him jealous.
I reply. Or maybe I wanted to get a better look at the famous Alyssa Summers.
Only I'm not famous.
Well, maybe it was because you're so fucking gorgeous. Maybe you turned my stomach inside out and I wanted to take every chance I could to be near you.
She replies. I'm sure there was some of that. But mostly it was to fuck with him, right?
Maybe.