I gulp the water down from the plastic bottle but feel like it’s catching in my throat. I cough and splutter, feeling a whole mouthful go down the wrong pipe.
I cough some more, making horrific sounds as I try to get air in where there’s only water.
Wes being Wes rushes to help, but I hold my hands up. I get up from the table, shaking my head ‘no’.
I have to go, I just have to get out of here.
Staying one minute longer is only going to make things worse, and harder for me to deal with later on.
I brush past Wes, telling him I’m sorry once I get some air in my lungs.
I make my way to his front door, fumbling with the lock.
“Katelyn, wait,” he calls me, wanting me to stay. “We can just talk,” he reasons. I can feel him coming closer behind me, but he has his hands up, palms flat to the air between us.
“Please don’t go,” he says. “Please?”
But I’m already halfway out the door.
Tears choking me now.
Tears of regret, of anger at my own stupidity. Knowing I should stay, that I should just tell him I want him and want him inside me. That I want him forever.
I want us forever, even though I don’t understand how or even why he would or even should be together.
But a lifetime of people pointing and laughing, telling me I’m fat, ugly or just no good is too hard to shake, even when it’s a man like Wes Heart with a hand on his own trying to tell me what might be the same three words.
I love you.
Chapter Eight
Wesley
Staring down at my hands, I wonder why it is they keep causing so much pain. So much misery.
Dragging people from cars, leaving them unable to walk, or trying too hard to show someone I care.
Trying too hard to show her I love her, driving her away.
She’s gone before I can even piece together what’s happened.
I know she wants me, I could see it in her eyes. She nodded when I asked her, and her hand on my thick cock – Jesus! There’s not a much clearer yes please than that.
So what happened?
My instinct is to rush after her, to make sure she gets back to her dorm safe if nothing else. But if I chase her now, she’ll only run and I can’t force her to stay if she doesn’t want to.
I can’t, I wouldn’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to.
I know she wants to though, so what gives?
Sushi breathe?
I breathe into my hand, it’s not great but I know that’s not it. She was really upset and not about me or what we were almost doing either.
I move over to the window, watching her perfect form disappear into the darkness, shaking my head in disbelief at how today could go from so perfect to bad so quickly.
Moving back to the table, I slump back into my seat, seeing uneaten food I can’t bring myself to throw in the trash as my head sinks into these damned hands.
I don’t know how long I sit like this, but the phone ringing makes me jump, snatching it up and answering it.
“Katelyn?” I gasp, hoping it’s her.
“Uh, no. Mr. Heart its Sonya from IT, just wondering how you got on with your-”
I groan an obscenity and hang up, letting my head drop onto my arm.
I still have the same problem I started with, only now I have a broken heart on top of everything else.
Maybe this is a sign.
I’ve been thinking about getting out of this for a long time. Maybe it’s time to just give it all up, get out of coaching altogether.
God knows I’ve got enough money behind me, plenty of loose change invested over the years from those endorsement deals before things went south.
There’s more than enough, more than enough for one person as well.
The thought of it makes me groan out aloud. I’ve got enough for three or four lifetimes, doomed to live this one out alone it seems.
‘So you were a hero… who could be ungrateful for you saving their life?’
Her words swim in my mind, pulling me under. Down to a place I never want to leave because it reminds me of her.
It’s my mind telling me the same thing over and over. That this is right.
Feeling my fist slam down onto the table, I watch the food jump up a little and then hold my fist in front of my eyes, letting it relax until I see my fingers spread out.
I won’t let her just walk away, not without telling her how I really feel.
It’s day one with her in my life, but it’s enough to know she’s the one, and I can’t live the rest of my life without her in it.