Holding up my dress as I walk, I check the front foyer and the lounge. Finally, I spot him sitting on a bench in the garden. His hands are folded together, and his head is down.
He looks deep in thought. His brows are furrowed and his lips are taut as he just stares blankly into the water of the fountain.
Pushing the door open, he jerks his head up. “Hey,” I say. “I thought you might have left.”
“No, I wouldn't just leave without telling you.”
Taking a seat next to him, I grip the edge of the stone bench, peering into the water with him. “That's good.”
“Look,” he says, exhaling a somber breath, “I'm sorry for that. I wasn't trying to embarrass you or anything. It's just—” He cuts himself off, and groans softly. “It's just frustrating, is all.”
“You're not embarrassing me. I don't want you to think that. I get it though, I do. This isn't what you're used to. But you have to understand there's a code here, an unspoken set of expectations that I should have been clearer about.”
Snapping his head up, he turns to face me. “I don't get it, Sia. You are nothing like these people. Is this what you really want to become? Like the people in there?” Throwing his arm out, he points to the building. “Having to hide who you truly are in order to fit in to the box they created for you?”
“It's not that simple, Mark. I don't have a choice here.” My voice is weak, powerless. Even I don't believe me.
“Bullshit,” he snaps. “I see you. I see who you really are inside, and it's not one of them. You want to spend the rest of your life bowing to their expectations and fake friendships? These people don't care about you. You deserve to be happy and that's not what I see here. Here you're a corpse. But I’ve seen you for who you truly are. Vibrant, beautiful, full of life. Your art is enough to tell me you’re different. Right now though, you're nothing but a shell. It's your body, sure, but you're hiding inside.”
He strikes a nerve. My insides twist up, my blood starts to bubble, turning my cheeks red with anger. He doesn't understand, and he has no right to judge me for it.
“A corpse? A shell? You think I like this? You think I like having to shut down just to get by? What do you think I should do then?” My voice shakes, raising and lowering in volume. “I can't change the rules, Mark, and you don't get to just pretend they don't exist because you don't like them. The people in there might not be your type of people, but they all do incredible things. They save lives, they change lives, and they give more than you will ever realize. Having decent behavior can make a big difference, it's not hard to try it out.”
His eyes narrow, pupils turning to pinpricks. “Is that what you think? I'm just a country idiot? You think I'm stupid just like your parents do? Like I can't see what these people think of me?” Jumping to his feet, he hovers over me, lowering his face to mine. “What makes any of these people better than me?”
My chest tightens with him so close. I can't move, there's no place for me to go. He's all around me, holding me in place without a single touch.
“That's not what I meant.” My words are a whisper as I try to gather myself.
I can smell his cologne and feel his breath on my face. His palms are pressed into the bench on either side of my body, boxing me in. My mind swirls with a million thoughts, all of them involving him and his strong hands.
Licking his lips, his jaw crooks to one side. “I should take you right here so all of those people—fuck, so all of New York knows that you're not some innocent socialite. Let them hear you scream while you’re on my cock. Let them see how good I make you feel.”
Gasping, I inhale sharply as my insides burn and my heart hammers in my chest. My eyes flick between his, but I stay silent.
“You need to make a choice, Siobhan. Be one of them, live a life of misery and trying to reach everyone else's goals for you. Or be happy. Free yourself from this waste, and do what you want to do. I know who I am, now it's your turn.”
Lifting his hand to my face, he strokes my cheek with the back of his knuckles, then pinches my chin between his thumb and forefinger.
“When you figure out what you want, let me know.” Kissing my cheek, he releases my face. With his head held high, and his shoulders straight, he turns and leaves.