Moving closer, I gestured with my chin at his phone as I took a seat on the desk next to him. “Lemme see.”
Hitting play, I watched Levi bend over with his hands on his knees and heave. “Oh, that’s…” he stopped and then gagged again.
In the background, his kid was lying on its back while it played with its toes. “Baby, damn, why can’t you save that for your momma? You know she’s okay with this shit,” he dry heaved again.
Straightening up, he stared down at a bag on the floor. “I’m the master of my mind and soul. I’m the master of my mind and soul,” he chanted as he leaned over to pick it up, aborting at the last second and dancing away from it. “I can’t do it.”
Then, he disappeared for a moment and came back with a mask on and these long black gloves that went up to his armpits. After he pulled the last one on, he reached behind him and pulled out a pair of tongs.
“I can do this.”
“No, he can’t,” murmured Hurst, shaking his head and laughing.
With his arm stretched out as far as it could go, Levi bent over and tried to pick up the bag with the tongs. For some reason, they wouldn’t pinch it hard enough for him to lift it all the way up, though, so he kept dropping it and having to start all over again.
“It’s like that grabbing arm game in an arcade,” DB mused. “I don’t get why he can’t get a pair of tongs to work.”
Shrugging, Hurst shook his head slowly. “The guy’s afraid of his kid's poop. I’d say not being able to use one of the easiest things in the kitchen is the least of his worries.”
I was inclined to think they were tied.
Eventually, Levi managed to balance the bag on top of them and was walking carefully toward the camera, like he was carrying a bomb. As he got closer, I groaned when I saw the bag.
Pointing at the opening, I muttered, “He didn’t tie it shut, did he?”
“Nope.”
Just as he got to an open area in his living room, someone knocked on the door, making him jump.
In the background, we heard a, “Hey, honey. Just thought I’d stop by and check on y’all,” but our eyes were on the bag.
See, as he’d jumped, he’d also turned his head to look behind him, and his hand had bounced the bag slightly. With the load inside shifting with it, the opening of the bag moved toward him. Thanks to it not being tied shut, the dirty diaper inside dropped out, and there was an audible thud as it hit something.
The look on Levi’s face as he looked down will live in my head for the rest of my life. I hope that when I’m ninety and eating pudding with my own diaper on, I’ll remember it and chuckle enough to dribble some of the pudding back out again.
Seeing what’d hit his foot, Levi dropped the tongs, grabbed two handfuls of hair, and let out a scream that would make a horror movie victim proud.
Then, he kicked his foot, booting the diaper far away from him, but unfortunately dislodging some of the poop at the same time, which we saw visibly land about a foot away from him.
Sadly—for him–he wasn’t looking at it. Instead, he pointed at his foot and yelled, “Shit on my toe!”
His mom, Erica, came into view as she ran toward him with her hand over her mouth, just as he took a step forward, right onto the poop.
I didn’t see what happened next because I was laughing so hard I had tears, and it wasn’t helped by the other two guys with me laughing just as hard. But I definitely heard the moment Levi puked.
After it ended, Hurst turned his phone off and put it on the desk. “His wife sent me it last night, but I still haven’t seen it all the way through. As soon as he steps in it and bellows out that noise like a buffalo, I start laughing too hard to see anything.”
Smacking his large hand down on my shoulder, DB gasped, “Just as well you only gagged and didn’t follow through with barf.”
True story!
It took us a moment to settle down, but Hurst cleared his throat and picked up a cup of coffee I hadn’t noticed once we did.
“How’re things with Miss Hadid? You looking after her, son?”
“Sure am. She met my folks over the weekend.”
One corner of his mouth tipped up in a smile. “Now, I like the sound of that. How’d it go?”
DB moved away from us and over to the coffee machine in the corner, then picked up a mug and held it in the air, asking without words if I wanted one. It went without saying that I needed as much caffeine as I could get right now, so I nodded and looked back to Hurst.