"What is it?" I cry, seeing his thumbs pressed to his temples as he struggles to breathe. And when he turns to me, there's no recognition. His gaze goes right through me. But just as soon as I perceive it, it's already passed. Replaced with the loving warmth I've grown used to, as he rubs his eyes and shakes his head, looking at me when he says, "I haven't felt like this since before—"
He stops and stares into space, "Well, maybe never."
But when he sees the concern on my face, he adds, "But I'm fine, really." And when I refuse to loosen mygrip, he smiles and says, "Hey, how about a trip to Summerland?"
"Seriously?" I say, my eyes lighting up.
The first time I visited that wonderful place, that magical dimension between the dimensions—I was dead. And I was so entranced by its beauty I was reluctant to leave. The second time I visited was with Damen. And after he showed me all of its glorious possibilities, I've longed to return. But as Summerland can only be accessed by the spiritually advanced (or those already dead), I can't get there alone.
"Why not?" He shrugs.
"Well, what about my lessons," I say, trying to appear interested in studying and learning new tricks, when the truth is, I'd much rather go to Summerland where everything is effortless and instant. "Not to mention how you're not feeling so well." I squeeze his arm again, noticing how the usual warmth and tingle still hasn't fully returned.
"There are lessons to be learned in Summerland too." He smiles. "And if you'll hand me my juice, I'll feel well enough to make us the portal." But even after I hand it over and he takes several long hearty gulps, he can't make it appear.
"Maybe I can help?" I say, staring at the sweat on hisbrow.
"No—I just—I almost had it. Just give me another second," he mumbles, clenching his jaw, determined to get there.
So I do. In fact, I let the seconds turn into minutes, and still nothing.
"I don't understand." He squints. "This hasn't happened since—since I first learned how to do it."
"Maybe it's because you're not feeling well." I watch as he takes another drink, followed by another, and then another. And when he closes his eyes and tries again, he gets the exact same results as before. "Can I try?"
"Forget it. You don't know how," he says, his voicecontaining an edge I try not to take personally, knowing it's due more to his frustration with himself than with me.
"I know I don't know how, but I thought maybe you could teach me and then I—"
But before I can finish, he's up from the bed, pacing before me. "It's a process, Ever. It took me years to learn how to get there. You can't just skip to the end of the book without reading the middle." He shakes his head and leans against my desk, his body rigid and tense, his gaze refusing mine. "And when was the last time you read a book without already knowing the beginning, middle, and end?"
I smile.
He looks at me, his face a series of hard edges and angles, but only for a moment before he sighs and moves toward me, taking my hand as he says, "You want to try?"
I nod.
He looks me over, clearly doubting it'll work, but wanting to please me more than anything else. "Okay then, make yourself comfortable, but don't cross your legs like that. It cuts off the chi."
"Chi?"
"A fancy word for energy." He smiles. "Unless you want to sit in the lotus position, then that's perfectly fine."
I kick off my flip-Hops and press my soles against the carpeted floor, getting as comfortable and relaxed as my excitement will allow.
"Usually it requires a long series of meditations, but in the interest of time, and since you're already pretty advanced, we're just going to cut to the chase, okay?"
I nod, eager to get started.
"I want you to close your eyes and imagine a shimmering veil of soft golden light hovering before you," he says, entwining his fingers with mine.
So I do, picturing an exact replica of the one that got me there before, the one Damen placed in my path to save me from Drina. And it's so beautiful, so brilliant, and so luminous, my heart swells with joy as I raise my hand toward it, eager to immerse it in that radiant shower of glistening light, longing to return to that mystical place. And just as my fingers make contactand are about to submerge, it shrinks from my sight and I'm back in my room.
"I can't believe it! I was so close!" I turn toward Damen. "It was right there before me! Did you see it?"
"You came remarkably close," he says. And even though his gaze is tender, his smile is forced.
"What if I try it again? What if we do it together this time?" I say, my hope plummeting the instant he shakes his head and turns away.