"So, my parents died, I was orphaned. You know; in Italy, where I'm from, last names often depicted a person's origins or profession. Esposito means orphan, or exposed. The name was given to me, though I dropped it a century or two ago, since it no longer fit."
"Why didn't you just use your real last name?"
"It's complicated. My father was… hunted. So I thought it better to distance myself."
"And Drina?" I ask, my throat constricting at the mere mention of her name.
He nods. "Poverina-or, little poor one. We were wards of the church; that's where we met. And when she grew ill, I couldn't beano lose her, so I had her drink too."
"She said you were married." I press my lips together, my throat feeling hot and constricted, knowing she didn't actually say that, though it was definitely implied when she stated her name, her full name.
He squints and looks away, shaking his head and mumbling under his breath.
"Is it true?" I ask, my stomach in knots, my heart pressing hard against
my chest.
He nods. "But it's hardly what you think, it happened so long ago it hardly matters anymore." . "So why didn't you get divorced? I mean, if it hardly matters," I say, my cheeks hot, my eyes stinging.
"So you're proposing I show up in court with a wedding certificate dating back several centuries, and ask for a divorce?"
I press my lips and look away, knowing he's right, but still. "Ever, please. You've got to cut me some slack. I'm not like you. You've only been around, well in this life anyway, seventeen years, while I've lived hundreds! More than enough time to make a few mistakes. And while there are certainly plenty of things to judge me on, I hardly think my relationship with Drina is one of them. Things were different back then. I was different. I was vain, superficial, and extremely materialistic. I was out for myself, taking all that I could. But the moment I met you everything changed, and when I lost you, well, I never knew such agonizing pain. But then later, when you reappeared-" He stops, his gaze far away. "Well, no sooner had I found you, than I lost you again. And so it went, over and over. An endless cycle of love and loss-until now"
"So, we… reincarnate?" I say, the word sounding strange on my tongue.
"You do-not me." He shrugs. "I'm always here, always the same."
"So, who was I?" I ask, not sure if I really believe it, yet fascinated with the concept.
"And why can't I remember?"
He smiles, happy to change the subject. "The journey back involves a trip down the River of Forgetfulness. You're not meant to remember, you're here to learn, to evolve, to payoff your karmic debts. Each time starting fresh, forced to find your own way.
Because, Ever, life is not meant to be an open book test."
"Then aren't you cheating, by staying here?" I say, smirking at Mr. Let Me Tell You How the World.Works.
He cringes. "Some might say."
"And how can you possibly know all of this if you've never done it yourself?"
"I've had plenty of years to study life's greatest mysteries.
And I've met some amazing teachers along the way. All you need to know about your other selves is that you were always female." He smiles, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Always very beautiful. And always important to me."
I stare at the sea, manifest a few waves just for the heck of it, then make it all go away.
Everything. All of it. Returning us to our outdoor living room.
"Change of scenery?" He smiles.
"Yes, but only the scenery, not the subject."
He sighs. "So after years of searching I found you again-and you know the rest."
I take a deep breath and stare at the lamp, clicking it off and on, on and off with my mind, trying to get a grip on all this.