A whole host of other people, including Jude.
Damen stands by my car, careful y weighing that one single word until it becomes permanent, irreversible, like an accidental footprint left in a square of fresh cement I make no attempt to smooth over, no attempt to erase its permanent imprint.
And even though I know I need to say something, I have no idea what that something might be.
He looks at me, clearly torn between feeling even more hurt and even more confused, and settling on somewhere in the middle.
“I was afraid to see you,” I tel him. “Mostly because I don’t want to fight with you again. I can’t bear to fight with you again. And yet, I think we both know that’s exactly where this is headed. But before we get there, I need you to know that just because I delayed this moment doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you—” My voice cracks, becoming so choked up I’m forced to clear my throat a few times before I continue. “Please, don’t ever think I didn’t miss you.” My gaze grows watery, bleary, pleading with his.
But instead of admitting he missed me too, instead of moving to comfort me like I’d hoped, he says, “Why is it you think an argument is so inevitable?”
His dark eyes graze over me, widening in shocked disbelief when I reach into my bag, find the package Honor gave me, and hand it over to him, saying, “Because of this.”
He studies the smal , plain-wrapped parcel, examining it as he flips it back and forth in his hands.
“It’s the herb.” I look at him. “It’s the hard-to-find, special-order, rare herb that you need to finish your antidote. The antidote that wil al ow us to be together in the way that we want, so we can continue our lives as immortals.”
His fingers curl, causing the paper to crinkle in protest, his gaze lighting on mine, the weight of it causing me to suck in a lungful of air.
The first bel ringing, the sound of it sending al of our classmates into a flurry as they race toward the building, while Damen and I stay rooted in place. As much as I need to get to class and start making up for al the damage my extended absence has done, we need to finish this first. We need to reach some sort of conclusion, before I can go anywhere, do anything else.
“But I stil cling to my belief that this life is cosmical y wrong. And even if we take the antidote, something else wil crop up to keep us apart. The only true way to achieve our destiny—to be together forever—is to reverse our immortality. To eat the fruit.” I gaze down at our feet, gaze at the dark shine of his car, gaze toward the soon-to-be-locked gate, hearing the final bel ring just as I gaze into his eyes.
“Damen, I have the means to do that now. I found the tree. It’s real.”
He doesn’t react, doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch.
“I journeyed there. Saw it for myself. I scaled its enormous trunk, swung from its mile-long branches—” I pause, wanting to ensure I have his ful attention before I continue, “I picked its fruit.”
My gaze stays on his, but stil nothing. No indication he’s heard.
“That’s why I was away for so long. It was a long, arduous, treacherous, lonely, scary, and yet completely wondrous journey. I passed through a rush of seasons to get there, made it through a winter so brutal I was sure I’d turn into a frozen-solid mass, got so rained on I was sure I’d never dry, and yet, even though I wasn’t always convinced I would make it, I did make it. I succeeded in what I set out to do.
And now I’m here to say that it’s not a myth like you think. In fact, it’s even better than the myth. Remember when Lotus said the tree was evergiving? She was right. The tree just keeps giving and giving and giving. There’s no truth to the one-fruit-every-thousand-years rumor. From what I experienced there are no shortages of any kind. There is only abundance. The Tree of Life is the very definition of abundance. And I brought back an entire bag ful of its fruit with which to prove it.”
“You brought it back?” His face takes on an expression that’s impossible to read. “Why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you just hand it over
to Lotus and let her handle it?”
“Because I’m taking over for Roman,” I say, nodding as I confirm it for myself. And now that I’ve said it, an entire plan begins to form in my head.
But Damen just looks at me, not comprehending.
“The party he throws every century and a half?” I suppress a smile, but I can’t seem to suppress my rising excitement. “This time I’m going to host it. I’m going to gather al of the immortals he’s made, and give them a choice between physical immortality—or real immortality.”
“And if they refuse you?” he asks, clearly convinced that they wil since he pretty much has.
“Then they refuse me.” I shrug. “Though after I explain it to them, after they see the effects, I don’t think they wil .”
Damen’s eyes widen, his face grows pale, ashen, and it takes me a moment to figure out why. He misread my words. Assumed I’ve already tried it.
“Did you—?” he starts, but I’m quick to wave it away.
“No.” I shake my head, as my eyes fix on his. “I wanted to wait for you. I want us to reverse our immortality together. I don’t know what I’l do if you deny me—whether I’l choose this life with you, or a mortal life on my own—I honestly don’t know. But I real y hope you won’t make me choose. I hope you’l think it over and share the fruit with me. It’s the only way we can have the future we want.”
I gaze at him, my eyes pleading with his. But finding only regret, I turn and head for the gate.
thirty-eight