My lips parting as a slew of questions rush forth, al of that halted when Lotus shakes her head, places her hand on my arm, and says,
“You have discovered the truth.”
I nod, clinging to what I now know, what I must always remember, never forget, but at this exact moment, I’m burdened with more pressing concerns. “And Damen?” I ask, my voice betraying my anxiety. “Where is he?”
She lowers her lids for a moment as though watching a scene that plays deep within, lifting them again when she says, “He stil has much to see. Much to learn. For him, it’s not over. Not yet anyway.”
She motions toward the river, and I fol ow the tilt of her finger. Watching the current swirl and change until it smooths out again and the remnants of the scene I just left are reflected upon it. Showing Alrik’s life stil in progress, showing him consumed by a never-ending grief.
He is broken, defeated, wrecked to the core, so greatly misguided al he can manage is to seek revenge for my death. Having no idea Esme caused it, he’s eager to place the blame on someone, anyone, ultimately seeing that the woman from the vil age, along with her two young apprentices, are charged with dealing in witchcraft and magick and put to their deaths. Soon fal ing into an even deeper despair when the act of his vengeance brings no sense of peace, no sense of redemption. Fails to compensate for his loss. Fails to bring me back to him.
The rest of his life lived in a fog of lost passions and thwarted dreams, his fervor and fight buried right along with my body. He goes through the motions, does what’s expected, settling into the path of least resistance, settling into the life his father had planned.
Marries Esme.
Claims the crown.
Each passing day causing his heart to harden and shrink into a smal bitter stone.
Not daring to believe he’l ever see me again.
Not daring to believe in anything, ever again.
And it breaks my heart to watch it, to watch him eventual y brought down in a revolt secretly staged by a brother turned against him.
Rhys ultimately marrying Fiona, Esme’s sister, only to find he can’t seem to stop longing for Esme, the one woman who wil never be his.
The four of them trapped in their own private hel , unable to find a way out.
Having no way to know what I’ve learned: When we harm one another, we also harm ourselves.
“Alrik is Damen.” I switch my gaze from the water to Lotus, surprised to hear myself say it, but knowing it’s true. “And Rhys is Roman, Heath is Jude, the vil age woman is Ava, her apprentices are the twins Romy and Rayne, Fiona is Haven, Esme is Drina…” Of course. I frown and rol my eyes. “And the doctor? Do I know him?” But before I can finish the sentence, I know. “The doctor is Miles.” I shake my head, al ow a smal laugh, then I add, “The only reasonable one in the group. The only one who wanted nothing to do with mystical cures.”
Sighing when I realize we’ve already done this, centuries earlier—only to fal into a similar trap, repeat a modern-day version of a nearly identical existence.
Glancing at the river, watching it clear, the images quickly fading when I say, “How did we not know this? Why do we keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over again?”
Facing Lotus, her gaze narrowing in a way that sets off a riot of wrinkles that fan either side of her eyes. Her voice low and grave, she says, “It is the plight of man. And while the blame lies partly on the river,” she gestures toward the swiftly moving dark waters before us,
“most of the blame lies on man’s inclination to tune into the noise that blares al around him, instead of the beautiful silence that lies deep within.”
I gaze out at the river, turning her words around in my head, realizing how they mirror everything I just learned. We spend our lives getting caught up in al the wrong things—led astray by our minds, our egos, seeing ourselves as separate from each other, rather than listening to the truth that lies within our own hearts, the truth that we are al connected, we are al in it together.
“The universe is patient,” she says. “Providing multiple opportunities for us to learn, to get it right, which is why we reincarnate.”
“So, it’s true then. Damen and I lived before as Adelina and Alrik.” I glance at her, seeing her nod in confirmation. “And I’m assuming he died in that life—a mortal death?” My eyes graze over her silver hair, down to the long white tunic stitched with gold, al the way down to her surprisingly bare feet, though it’s a moment before I notice that the cane she used the last time I saw her is gone. She is able to stand on her own.
“Oh yes,” she says. “He is caught in it now. Reliving the moment. Though it should be over soon.”
I press my lips together and fiddle with the hem of my T-shirt, thinking it over. Having no reason not to believe her, but stil , there’s something that doesn’t make any sense, something she needs to explain.
“But if that’s al true, then why is it that neither of us saw that life when we died and went to the Shadowland? And why didn’t Jude see it on any of his trips to the Great Hal s of Learning? I’m sorry, Lotus, but despite how real it al seemed, it just doesn’t make any sense.”
But despite my voice rising at the end, despite my getting more than a little caught up in my own argument, Lotus remains calm, serene, completely unruffled when she says, “You are familiar with the saying, ‘When the student is ready the teacher appears’?”
I nod, remembering how Jude once said it to me.
“It is the same with knowledge. The truth is revealed when you are ready to receive it, when you need it in order to move forward, to take the next step in your journey, to move on toward your destiny. You were not in need of that knowledge before, nor were you ready for it. And thus you saw only that which you needed to know and not a single thing more. But now that you are ready the knowledge was revealed. Each step leads us to the next. It is as simple as that. And the same goes for Damen and Jude.”