“I feel like I’ve always known Paloma.” His voice is soft, as though savoring the memory. “She was a lot like you, actually. Beautiful. Strong. Capable. And woefully unsure of herself.” He cracks a smile, returns his gaze to mine. “But later, after she lost Alejandro and discovered she was pregnant with Django, the deeply rooted strength inherent in all Seekers began to shine through.”
“Is that when you fell in love with her?”
His gaze grows distant. “I fell in love with her long before that.”
“Did she know? Did you tell her?”
He grins in a way that creases his cheeks and causes a riot of wrinkles to fan around his eyes. “Oh, I’m sure she knew. It’s not like I was capable of playing it cool. Though I was just one of many. Most of us had a thing for Paloma back then. But I finished school early and went off to college, and while I was away she fell in love with Alejandro. So I resigned myself to being happy that she’d found someone worthy.”
I sit with that for a while, wondering if I could do the same for Dace. Be happy for him if he found someone else, someone worthy. While I’d like to think that I could, I’m pretty sure I’m just deluding myself. Seeing him happy with another girl would be a terrible burden I’m not sure I could bear.
“For those who are patient, life has a way of working out.” I meet his gaze, realizing too late he’d been observing my reverie. “Paloma and I shared many good years. I prefer to concentrate on the time spent together, rather than the time spent apart.”
“You said Paloma was unsure like me, but it’s hard to imagine her ever feeling that way. When did she make the switch? What was the one thing that instigated it?”
The question brings another smile to his face, though I can’t fathom why. “While I can’t pinpoint that in the way you’d like, I can say that confidence is usually the reward for taking the risk of being yourself.”
I drum my fingers against the armrests and take a moment to digest that.
Is it possible I’ve been so focused on being just like Paloma I lost sight of myself?
“No two people are alike—just as no two Seekers are alike. Paloma concentrated on her strengths and didn’t punish herself for her weaknesses.”
“So you’re saying I should follow that example?”
“There are worse examples.”
“But what if I don’t know what my strengths are? What if I feel so overwhelmed by trying to keep up with everything that—” I stop myself before I can dissolve into a full-blown whine. Switching tacks, I say, “I guess what I need is a cheat sheet.”
Chay throws his head back and laughs—a deep-bellied sound I’m glad to know he’s still capable of.
“You don’t need a cheat sheet.” He rises from the couch, motions for me to follow his lead. “Though I’m betting you’re in need of some dinner.”
Chay takes me to a restaurant just outside of town where he seems to know everyone.
“This is like dining with a celebrity,” I say, after the waitress has fawned over him and taken our orders. “And I should know, having dined with a few.”
“As the only veterinarian within a fifty-mile radius, you tend to meet a few people.” He spreads his paper napkin across his lap and I do the same. And a few moments later, when the waitress returns with two salads, I can’t help but grin.
“Since when is that your usual?” I stab a fork into a bed of dark, leafy greens. “You on a diet?”
“Never.” He lifts his fork to his mouth. “Just making more conscious choices, I guess. Looks like Paloma’s lectures managed to stick.”
We dig into our meals. The two of us happy to eat in a contented, comfortable silence, until Chay lowers his fork, dabs his mouth with his napkin, and says, “When was the last time you saw Dace?”
I push away
from my plate and lean against the vinyl banquette. “Yesterday when he stopped by to say goodbye. I guess you know why.”
He spins the eagle ring around and around on his finger. His mouth downturned, gaze somber. “I’m sorry.”
I lift my shoulders in response, try to put on a brave face.
Eating with Chay in the out-of-the-way diner reminds me of the first day we met under similar circumstances. I was scared and uncertain, facing a future I couldn’t even fathom. And he was the wise counsel whose presence alone was enough to instill me with much-needed comfort. After all that we’ve been through, it’s nice to know that feeling still holds.
He studies me closely, trying to determine the difference between the truth of my feelings and the fiction of my actions. “You’re taking this well.”
“As well as I can.” My reply purposely vague. After seeing my friends’ reactions over my reluctance to steer clear of Dace, I’m a little nervous about approaching Chay.