My gaze drops to my feet. Her words cut to the bone, yet there’s no denying their truth.
“And even though everyone tells me to back off and give you the space that you need—thing is, it’s been six months, and—”
“Six months, and what? What’s that supposed to mean? Is that the timeline you’ve placed on my grief ?” I’m seething, glaring, ready to explode, but to her credit she continues washing and rinsing, keeping her cool.
“That’s not fair and you know it. I miss Paloma too. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. What I meant was, it’s been six months of watching you shut us all out, acting like we’re in the way. And while I’m aware that, technically speaking, we probably are, we’re not the enemy here, okay? We’re your friends. And we’re here to help. We’re dying to help. We’re begging to help. And we feel like we’re left to idle on the sidelines, just passing the time. Looking for ways to relieve some of your burden, only you won’t let us.”
My shoulders sag in surrender. While there’s no denying I needed to hear it, that doesn’t mean it didn’t sting. “But that’s the thing—you can’t help.” My eyes find hers.
“How do you know we can’t help if you don’t let us try?” She hands the last bowl to Axel, wipes her hands on her shorts, and heads for the stove where she retrieves the baking pan and unceremoniously dumps the muffin remains into the trash.
“You can’t help because I refuse to endanger you any more than I already have.”
She dunks the pan in the sink, leaving it to soak, as she squares off on me. “Well, I hate to break it to you Daire, but just living in this godforsaken town puts us in danger. At least with you, we’re fighting on the side of good. At least with you, we’re protected by knowledge and awareness. C’mon Daire, let us in. Let us help. You don’t have to go this alone.”
I look to Axel for support. He more than anyone should know what it’s like for people like me. But he remains focused on returning bowls to their cupboards, spoons to their drawers, as I stand before the whirring fan blades and say, “But that’s the thing—I do have to go this alone. That’s pretty much the nature of being a Seeker. We train with a mentor, maybe enjoy a brief, ill-fated love affair that usually results in a child, only to end up alone and dooming those poor children to the same lonely fate. It’s what happened to Paloma, and all those who came before her. It’s a well-documented fact. I can prove it, if you want.”
“No need, I believe you.” She shakes her head, scrunches her forehead. “Though I can’t help but think you’ve successfully beaten the odds too many times to surrender so easily.”
I push away from the counter and turn to gaze out the window toward Paloma’s garden, and the collection of strange, hybrid plants I’ve struggled to take over. While they continue to thrive and bloom, it’s not with the same intensity as when they were under my grandmother’s care. She’s a hard act to follow. And while I’m doing my best, I can’t help but feel like I’m falling remarkably short.
While I’ve no doubt Lita’s feelings are echoed by the rest of my friends, while she’s merely acting as a spokesperson, it’s not nearly as easy as they think. And the irony is that her all-consuming love for Axel is as doomed as my own love for Dace.
That’s just the way it’s always been. And history has an uncanny way of repeating itself.
“Intent is magick’s most important ingredient,” Axel says from behind me. “And belief is the spine of intent.”
I whirl around to face him, having almost forgotten about his talent for eavesdropping on thoughts. “I thought that was fading?”
“It comes and goes.” He shrugs. “The point is, I’m not giving in without a fight. So why have you given up long before the fight’s even had a chance to begin?” His voice is even, his expression determined. His deep lavender eyes shifting from the deepest violet to the softest lilac.
“So you know.” My tone is resigned, my gaze appraising.
He returns the look with one of his own.
“You’re not buying into their silence. You know they’ll resurface.”
Lita shifts between us, waiting for someone to clue her in to the truth behind our veiled conversation.
“I’m sure this is the calm before the storm. And I’m committed to enjoying a quiet respite for as long as it lasts.” Axel arcs an arm toward Lita and she’s quick to scurry to his side. “I’m prepping, Daire, just like you are. But I’m also indulging in a chance to rest, refuel, and yes, even enjoy myself.” He hugs Lita tightly, kisses the top of her head. “Maybe you should try it sometime. Might do you some good.”
I glance between them. So flushed and satisfied—so caught in the grips of their heady swirl of happiness—who am I to deny them? Besides, I’m pretty sure Axel already knows the grim possibility of things actually working between them. After all he forfeited—first to save me, then to be here with Lita—they deserve every smidgen of joy they can manage. Won’t be long before such things are much harder to come by.
I hook a thumb in the general direction of their bedroom and say, “You call that a quiet respite?” Enjoying the sight of Axel’s pale face flushing red as Lita shoots me a worried look that fades the moment I grin. “Go.” I wave them away, and head for my room. “Frolic. Be free. We’ll catch up tonight. For now, I need to go change.
My first client is due any minute.”
NINE
DACE
Cree builds a small fire as Leftfoot gestures for me to sit beside it.
I swipe a hand across my brow and shoot him a skeptical look. “Is this really necessary?” I point toward the flames. “It’s triple digits outside. I was enjoying the relief.”
“Sit.” Leftfoot scowls. Chay frowns. And I’m quick to obey. “This is not about your enjoyment,” he says.
“Clearly.” I flash a quick grin, but Leftfoot’s not having it.