He looked sad. Almost defeated.
Her stomach tightened into a knot. She’d done this.
“I should never have told you.”
He didn’t look up. Didn’t say anything for a while and her guilt grew.
“I blamed you,” he finally said.
“What?”
“I blamed you. For leaving me. Hated you, even. And it was all him.”
She climbed out of bed. “Jed.”
“I just need a minute, sugar. Stay in bed.”
She glanced at the clock beside her. Five in the morning. How long had he been sitting there for?
He still didn’t look at her. And she wasn’t staying in bed. But still she felt hesitant as she walked over, knelt on the floor in front of him. Her hand shook as she reached out, hoping like hell he didn’t reject her. When she touched his arm, he looked at her. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but she swore tears glinted in his eyes.
Oh God. She’d brought tears to her man’s eyes.
“Ten years. Ten years he took from us.” One of those tears dripped down his face. Tears burned in her eyes and she forced them back. He’d always been strong for her. This time, it was her turn. Her man was hurting and she needed to do whatever she could to help him.
“I know, honey,” she said soothingly. “But we’re together now.”
“And I nearly ruined that. Thought you were here for the money. Didn’t take long for me to realize it wasn’t that. Then I couldn’t get you out of mind. Hard to sleep, to concentrate. Thought I’d buried it all deep. Built impenetrable shields and you blasted right through them. You’re so deep in me, don’t know where I end and you begin.”
“Jed—”
“And I don’t wanna know. ‘Cause I don’t ever intend to pull us apart.”
That hurt disappeared.
“I’m here, my dragon. I’m not going anywhere. For the last ten years, I’ve felt like I’ve just been going through the motions. When we fled Lawrence, I needed to find a place for us to go. I had to find a job. Had to take care of Sylvie and Brad. Had to deal with Mom leaving us. I used to have panic attacks. Nightmares. I lived half a life. There was always something. Always a decision to be made, a bill to pay, a crisis to overcome. Brad left to go travelling and even though I was happy for him, it left me with Sylvie to take care of. And she. . .I know I shouldn’t talk badly of my sister but she drains me. I knew I had to get away. To do something for myself. I was lost, Jed. Always lost.”
She reached out and gently touched his knee. “I’m not lost anymore.”
He stared back at her. “No, you’re not.” He grasped hold of her hand, held on tight.
“Please, God, at least tell me that the man who came after Bobby treated you gentle. That you told him you’d been attacked and he took the time to care for you.”
She avoided his eyes.
“Daisy? Jesus, please,” he practically begged.
“There hasn’t been anyone else,” she whispered.
“What?”
She forced herself to meet his gaze. “I’ve never been with anyone. Those first few years, there was no way I could even think of it. Not without losing it. And then I had no real desire to when all I’d ever wanted was you.” She shrugged helplessly.
“You mean you’re. . .”
“A twenty-seven-year-old virgin. Yep. Pretty pathetic, huh?”
A fierce look crossed his face. “I never want to hear you call yourself that again, understand?”