I could see the two chains around his neck, visible through the gap between the collar of his hoodie and his veined skin. As far as I could tell, he’d never removed the necklace Angelica gave him, and I wondered if he ever would. He was the champion of the people, a superhero without a cape, and a badass without an ego.
When I watched him with Ginny, it was almost too much.
My ovaries actually ached a bit.
He continued to watch me, his expression changing to one of concern. “Sic? Everything alright?”
I didn’t realize I’d been standing there for so long, saying nothing, the silence lingering between us.
His eyes were a little less bright when he was worried, and a tightness entered his jaw that was irresistible, like one of those old-fashioned cowboys in western films. Everything about him was rock hard except those eyes…those eyes that were brighter than Christmas lights.
I cleared my throat. “No…everything is not alright.” It was one of those out-of-body experiences, when I saw the room from the corner rather than through my own eyes. The scene just played out, a different part of my brain activating and making all the decisions on an unconscious level.
Dex dropped his pen then rose from his seat, his eyebrows furrowing further. He stepped around the desk and came toward me, towering over me, with jeans low on his narrow hips, his sweater flat against his toned stomach. He stopped in front of me, his eyes shifting back and forth quickly between mine, like he would find his answer there. “Talk to me, Sic. What is it?”
“Look, I just…” I dug both of my hands into my hair on the sides of my head before I dragged them down my neck to my shoulders, feeling like a caged animal that needed to break free, to speak my truth, for better or worse. “We’re friends, we’re coworkers, and that will always be true. But I want more.” Oh my fucking god, did I just say that?
He couldn’t hide his reaction, his eyes widening noticeably.
There was no going back now, so I just pushed on. “I’m sorry to come at you like this because it’s inappropriate, but I just can’t help it. I really, really like you, Dex.” Honestly, he probably already knew I had a thing for him because it was so goddamn obvious. “I see you every single day, and I see your heart, and that’s the sexiest thing in the world. I’ve never been more attracted to a man in all my life because I’ve never met someone like you.”
He was still as a mountain, just listening to me. His eyes had changed, dropping their surprise, and now he stared at me with the same intense expression he wore when he was concentrating on something.
“It’s not because you’re a doctor. It’s not because you’re brilliant. I felt this way when you were just the IT guy at the Trinity Building because I saw your heart then, too. You’re the most special and unique person I’ve ever met. I can’t just go out on a date with some guy when you’re the one I really want.” I’d just buried myself so deep, so deep I would never get out of this hole. I could have just asked him out and been done with it, but no, I decided to speak an entire monologue. “Maybe I’m crazy, but I think you like me too.” I hadn’t thought I was on his radar at all until he got me that scarf, went out of his way to get me something just days before Christmas when he had no obligation at all. Then we stood outside in the snow, staring at each other, the silence so quiet it was actually loud.
Dex was good with words, but he didn’t seem to have anything to say now. He crossed his arms over his chest first. Then one palm moved to the back of his neck where he rubbed it, like he had a kink there.
That told me everything I needed to know.
I put my heart out there—and he stomped on it.
Fuck, why did I say anything?
Why didn’t I just keep my fucking mouth shut?
Oh…the humiliation.
He turned his gaze away, taking a moment to gather his response.
I didn’t want to hear it. It would just cut me even deeper. “Can we just…forget I told you this?”
His eyes flicked back to mine.
“I really enjoy our friendship and our professional relationship, and I don’t want to lose that. So…I’ll go.” I turned around, keeping all my emotions locked up tight until I made it into the elevators and the doors closed.
“Sicily.” Finally, he said something, and his deep voice was filled with dread, like he wished I hadn’t said anything as much as I did.
I stilled for a moment before I had the courage to turn around and look him in the eye, to finish what I started.