Noah has had one too many knocks to the skull over the years.
Her own words echoed in my memory. Had she been the one to give him those knocks?
By the time we got back to the house, it was very late. The streetlamps glowed in the dark night as we pulled into the driveway, and Noah killed the engine. He didn’t make any move to exit the car, and neither did I. His eyes flickered to the cash that still sat untouched on my lap.
“Are you going to take the money or what?” he asked, his other question unspoken, are you going to keep my secrets? The idea of being Noah’s confidante, of being the beneficiary of all he kept hidden sent a thrill through me. Even though it scared me, I wanted to know everything about him. I wanted him to place his trust in me because it felt special. I didn’t imagine Noah trusted people very often.
And my theory about Vee bullying him only made me feel a deeper connection to him. There was a solidarity in knowing we’d suffered at the hands of the same person.
Without a word I picked up the cash, folded the notes in half and stuck them in my pocket. Noah kept quiet too, but I could tell he approved, while I tried to stifle the whirling dervish in my belly.
I thought of all the fantasy books I’d read, where humans travelled to faery realms and were tricked into a lifetime of servitude for eating a single bite of food. Would I regret taking Noah’s money? Would keeping his secret come back to haunt me? I tried to convince myself it was nothing, and besides, I could really do with the cash.
I had no reason to worry. This wasn’t a big deal …
So why did it feel like I hadn’t just eaten a bite of faerie food, but instead gobbled down an entire plate?
8.
One of the earliest ways people figured out the earth was round was by noting how boats didn’t simply get smaller and fade away as they sailed off into the distance, but instead slowly got lower and lower before finally going out of sight over the horizon. Like a car going over a hill.
Living in a coastal town with a nearby harbour meant I could often watch boats coming and going. I sat on the beach, the sound of the waves and the wind in my ears, and watched a large fishing boat moving farther and farther out to sea.
I much preferred watching boats leave. That way I could imagine them voyaging off to lands unknown, on a quest full of danger and adventure. In reality, they were just going out to trap fish in giant nets, but I preferred to let my imagination run wild.
This was my version of entertainment whenever Vee had a whim to ban me from the house. She said I made the place messy, which I never did, but there was no point arguing with her. When I arrived home from school, she’d been sitting at the kitchen table smoking her usual cigarette.
“Don’t even think about going and hiding in that room of yours, Estella,” she clipped. “Change out of your uniform and go into town, see if any of the shops are hiring part-time staff.”
She knew very well there were no jobs to be had, but after last night’s scene she was clearly in a mood to take back some of her power. Thankfully, she didn’t know about the wad of cash Noah had given me. I counted it last night while knelt over my bed. I had a grand total of four-hundred-and fifty-five euros. A miraculous sum. I’d never had so much money in my possession before, and that made it incredibly precious.
Stacking it into a neat pile, I hid it under the loose floorboard in the corner of my room where Vee wouldn’t find it. If things ever got really bad, at least I had some running away money. I was grateful to Noah for that, even if he was as dodgy as hell with all his fake identities and poker gambling and secretive ways.
I sat on the beach, waiting for it to get dark. At night, Vee was usually shut away drinking, so the coast would be clear for me to go home. I hated that her house was the only place I had to go. It was pitiful, really.
There was no safety or comfort in my refuge, only resentment and begrudgery.
I felt like an old stray dog nobody wanted, constantly hanging around hoping for shelter and a few scraps.
Speaking of dogs, I watched as a Golden Retriever ran excitedly into the water, splashing around, hyper as can be. I envied the animal’s simple joy.
“Sparky, get back here!” a familiar voice called. My gaze flicked to the side, and I saw Kean running down the hill onto the beach. He wore an expensive looking tracksuit and Nike runners, his blondish hair stylishly mussed.