The depot had not been rebuilt since it was burned in the battle and in its place was only a wooden shelter, with no sides to keep out the weather. Scarlett walked under it and sat down on one of the empty kegs that were evidently put there for seats. She peered up and down the street for Will Benteen. Will should have been here to meet her. He should have known she would take the first tram possible after receiving his laconic message that Gerald was dead.
She had come so hurriedly that she had in her small carpetbag only a nightgown and a tooth brush, not even a change of underwear. She was uncomfortable in the tight black dress she had borrowed from Mrs. Meade, for she had had no time to get mourning clothes for herself. Mrs. Meade was thin now, and Scarlett's pregnancy being advanced, the dress was doubly uncomfortable. Even in her sorrow at Gerald's death, she did not forget the appearance she was making and she looked down at her body with distaste. Her figure was completely gone and her face and ankles were puffy. Heretofore she had not cared very much how she looked but now that she would see Ashley within the hour she cared greatly. Even in her heartbreak, she shrank from the thought of facing him when she was carrying another man's child. She loved him and he loved her, and this unwanted child now seemed to her a proof of infidelity to that love. But much as she disliked having him see her with the slenderness gone from her waist and the lightness from her step, it was something she could not escape now.
She patted her foot impatiently. Will should have met her. Of course, she could go over to Bullard's and inquire after him or ask someone there to drive her over to Tara, should she find he had been unable to come. But she did not want to go to Bullard's. It was Saturday night and probably half the men of the County would be there. She did not want to display her condition in this poorly fitting black dress which accentuated rather than hid her figure. And she did not want to hear the kindly sympathy that would be poured out about Gerald. She did not want sympathy. She was afraid she would cry if anyone even mentioned his name to her. And she wouldn't cry. She knew if she once began it would be like the time she cried into the horse's mane, that dreadful night when Atlanta fell and Rhett had left her on the dark road outside the town, terrible tears that tore her heart and could not be stopped.
No, she wouldn't cry! She felt the lump in her throat rising again, as it had done so often since the news came, but crying wouldn't do any good. It would only confuse and weaken her. Why, oh, why hadn't Will or Melanie or the girls written her that Gerald was ailing? She would have taken the first train to Tara to care for him, brought a doctor from Atlanta if necessary. The fools -- all of them! Couldn't they manage anything without her? She couldn't be in two places at once and the good Lord knew she was doing her best for them all in Atlanta.
She twisted about on the keg, becoming nervous and fidgety as Will still did not come. Where was he? Then she heard the scrunching of cinders on the railroad tracks behind her and, twisting her body, she saw Alex Fontaine crossing the tracks toward a wagon, a sack of oats on his shoulder.
"Good Lord! Isn't that you, Scarlett?" he cried, dropping the sack and running to take her hand, pleasure written all over his bitter, swarthy little face. "I'm so glad to see you. I saw Will over at the blacksmith's shop, getting the horse shod. The train was late and he thought he'd have time. Shall I run fetch him?"
"Yes, please, Alex," she said, smiling in spite of her sorrow. It was good to see a County face again.
"Oh -- er -- Scarlett," he began awkwardly, still holding her hand, I'm mighty sorry about your father."
"Thank you," she replied, wishing he had not said it. His words brought up Gerald's florid face and bellowing voice so clearly.
"If it's any comfort to you, Scarlett, we're mighty proud of him around here," Alex continued, dropping her hand. "He -- well, we figure he died like a soldier and in a soldier's cause."
Now what did he mean by that, she thought confusedly. A soldier? Had someone shot him? Had he gotten into a fight with the Scalawags as Tony had? But she mustn't hear more. She would cry if she talked about him and she mustn't cry, not until she was safely in the wagon with Will and out in the country where no stranger could see her. Will wouldn't matter. He was just like a brother.
"Alex, I don't want to talk about it," she said shortly.
"I don't blame you one bit, Scarlett," said Alex while the dark blood of anger flooded his face. "If it was my sister, I'd -- well, Scarlett, I've never yet said a harsh word about any woman, but personally I think somebody ought to take a rawhide whip to Suellen."
What foolishness was he talking about now, she wondered. What had Suellen to do with it all?
"Everybody around here feels the same way about her, I'm sorry to say. Will's the only one who takes up for her -- and, of course, Miss Melanie, but she's a saint and won't see bad in anyone and --"
"I said I didn't want to talk about it," she said coldly but Alex did not seem rebuffed. He looked as though he understood her rudeness and that was annoying. She didn't want to hear bad tidings about her own family from an outsider, didn't want him to know of her ignorance of what had happened. Why hadn't Will sent her the full details?
She wished Alex wouldn't look at her so hard. She felt that he realized her condition and it embarrassed her. But what Alex was t
hinking as he peered at her in the twilight was that her face had changed so completely he wondered how he had ever recognized her. Perhaps it was because she was going to have a baby. Women did look like the devil at such times. And, of course, she must be feeling badly about old man O'Hara. She had been his pet. But, no, the change was deeper than that. She really looked as if she had three square meals a day. And the hunted-animal look had partly gone from her eyes. Now, the eyes which had been fearful and desperate were hard. There was an air of command, assurance and determination about her, even when she smiled. Bet she led old Frank a merry life! Yes, she had changed. She was a handsome woman, to be sure, but all that pretty, sweet softness had gone from her face and that flattering way of looking up at a man, like he knew more than God Almighty, had utterly vanished.
Well, hadn't they all changed? Alex looked down at his rough clothes and his face fell into its usual bitter lines. Sometimes at night when he lay awake, wondering how his mother was going to get that operation and how poor dead Joe's little boy was going to get an education and how he was going to get money for another mule, he wished the war was still going on, wished it had gone on forever. They didn't know their luck then. There was always something to eat in the army, even if it was just corn bread, always somebody to give orders and none of this torturing sense of facing problems that couldn't be solved -- nothing to bother about in the army except getting killed. And then there was Dimity Munroe. Alex wanted to marry her and he knew he couldn't when so many were already looking to him for support. He had loved her for so long and now the roses were fading from her cheeks and the joy from her eyes. If only Tony hadn't had to run away to Texas. Another man on the place would make all the difference in the world. His lovable bad-tempered little brother, penniless somewhere in the West. Yes, they had all changed. And why not? He sighed heavily.
"I haven't thanked you for what you and Frank did for Tony," he said. "It was you who helped him get away, wasn't it? It was fine of you. I heard in a roundabout way that he was safe in Texas. I was afraid to write and ask you -- but did you or Frank lend him any money? I want to repay --"
"Oh, Alex, please hush! Not now!" cried Scarlett For once, money meant nothing to her.
Alex was silent for a moment.
"I'll get Will for you," he said, "and we'll all be over tomorrow for the funeral."
As he picked up the sack of oats and turned away, a wobbly-wheeled wagon swayed out of a side street and creaked up to them. Will called from the seat: "I'm sorry I'm late, Scarlett."
Climbing awkwardly down from the wagon, he stumped toward her and, bending, kissed her cheek. Will had never kissed her before, had never failed to precede her name with "Miss" and, while it surprised her, it warmed her heart and pleased her very much. He lifted her carefully over the wheel and into the wagon and, looking down, she saw that it was the same old rickety wagon in which she had fled from Atlanta. How had it ever held together so long? Will must have kept it patched up very well. It made her slightly sick to look at it and to remember that night. If it took the shoes off her feet or food from Aunt Pitty's table, she'd see that there was a new wagon at Tara and this one burned.
Will did not speak at first and Scarlett was grateful. He threw his battered straw hat into the back of the wagon, clucked to the horse and they moved off. Will was just the same, lank and gangling, pink of hair, mild of eye, patient as a draft animal.
They left the village behind and turned into the red road to Tara. A faint pink still lingered about the edges of the sky and fat feathery clouds were tinged with gold and palest green. The stillness of the country twilight came down about them as calming as a prayer. How had she ever borne it, she thought, away for all these months, away from the fresh smell of country air, the plowed earth and the sweetness of summer nights? The moist red earth smelled so good, so familiar, so friendly, she wanted to get out and scoop up a handful. The honeysuckle which draped the gullied red sides of the road in tangled greenery was piercingly fragrant as always after rain, the sweetest perfume in the world. Above their heads a flock of chimney swallows whirled suddenly on swift wings and now and then a rabbit scurried startled across the road, his white tail bobbing like an eiderdown powder puff. She saw with pleasure that the cotton stood well, as they passed between plowed fields where the green bushes reared themselves sturdily out of the red earth. How beautiful all this was! The soft gray mist in the swampy bottoms, the red earth and growing cotton, the sloping fields with curving green rows and the black pines rising behind everything like sable walls. How had she ever stayed in Atlanta so long?
"Scarlett, before I tell you about Mr. O'Hara -- and I want to tell you everything before you get home -- I want to ask your opinion on a matter. I figger you're the head of the house now."
"What is it, Will?"
He turned his mild sober gaze on her for a moment.