“I knew something was wrong,” he said. “I could feel it in my gut. When no one answered the door, I kicked it in.”
His eyes became glazed, and his voice dropped to nearly a whisper.
“They came for him. They came to kill Jackson, and Megan and Cayden were there too. I found them all in the bedroom. All shot. All dead.”
Aiden’s grip on my fingers intensified. He leaned forward as he squeezed his eyes shut, and every muscle in his body contracted. Tears formed in my eyes as the words sank in. Cayden had been taken away from him, just not in the way I had assumed.
“He was…he was still holding onto the horse. His fingers were locked around it. Even when I-”
He stopped, unable to continue as his voice grew ragged and strained. He tightened his grip around the stuffed animal and my hand but couldn’t seem to take a breath. When he finally did, it came out as a gasp.
“Oh my God, Aiden.” I pulled my hand from his and wrapped both arms around his head. I held him against me, feeling his body shake with sobs as he tried to keep going.
“I…I picked him up. I knew he was gone, but I didn’t want him to be on the floor there. He was so cold. When I picked him up, he still held on to the horse. It didn’t fall out of his hand until after the police and paramedics showed up and took him away from me.”
He turned toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I held on to him as tightly as I could, rocking slowly back and forth as his tears soaked my shirt.
“They came for Jackson but killed Megan and Cayden, too. They didn’t have to fucking do that! He just turned four…he wasn’t a threat to anyone…he was just a little kid.”
All the thoughts in my head were spinning around like a tornado. All the storylines I had imagined were falling apart—none of them fit with this information. It was as if the puzzle I had nearly completed had just been tossed on the ground, and all the pieces had separated and scattered on the floor.
There was still a lot missing, and I knew it. His story had explained what happened to his family but not why he was in a parking lot with a gun, chasing people out of a restaurant. It didn’t explain what he did for a living, and it didn’t explain why he was falling apart now.
One thing my father had always impressed upon me when it came to grieving patients was the need to take things slowly. I had the distinct impression that this story was not one Aiden often told, and pushing him to tell me more right now wouldn?
??t get me far. He needed to get past this piece before he could move on.
So I held him. I held him, and he cried, and I cried for him and the loss of his little boy. The sunbeam shining through the window moved slowly over the boxes in the room, highlighting the box of Cayden’s toys before retreating up the wall and finally disappearing. At one point, I saw slight movement at the doorway as Redeye checked on us, then quickly retreated. I continued to hold on to Aiden.
Aiden’s shaking gradually slowed and then stopped. I kept holding on to him until he pulled back and sat up, looking at the window and away from me. My back and legs were stiff, and I had to imagine his were far worse.
“How long have you been sitting here?” I asked.
Aiden just shrugged.
“Have you eaten?”
Aiden nodded toward a pile of empty beer bottles.
“That doesn’t count.”
He shrugged again.
“Have you slept?”
“Not really.”
“Come with me,” I said. “I’m going to get you something to eat, and then you’re going to bed.”
I held on to his hand, pulling at it slightly as I stood. He didn’t move at first, but I stared at him until he surrendered. He stood up slowly, grimacing and rubbing at his back. I wrapped one arm around his waist and led him to the kitchen.
I saw Redeye and Lance look up at us from the patio. Redeye’s face broke into a grin as he watched me sit Aiden down at the kitchen table and start making him a sandwich.
“I didn’t know they were here,” Aiden said.
“Redeye picked me up from the airport,” I informed him. “I told you they were worried.”
“I’m all right,” Aiden said. He blinked a couple of times and made a face at the sandwich when I put a plate in front of him