My throat tightened, choking off my words.
“I could have taken a piss on the other side of the building where I might have seen them coming up. If I had, I could have taken them out from there – lots of cover.”
Dizziness tried to knock me further to the ground, but I fought my way back to my feet. Maybe I was dehydrated – my throat was certainly dry. After guzzling a bottle of water, I decided to take Odin outside. He wagged his tail at me, and I felt like a total schmuck for not even thinking about what would happen to him if I was gone. I rubbed his shaggy head and attached the leash to his collar.
The weather was about the perfect temperature for his coat, and he seemed pretty thrilled when I didn’t steer us towards the park but headed out down Wacker and towards Navy Pier. It was a good distance, but Odin loved to walk out by the lake.
He moved towards a group of seagulls, and I ran with him so he could chase them. My feet pounded the ground, and my head filled with memories.
Heavy artillery fire and an explosion. I can barely lift my head at this point, but I want to know what’s going on outside. Something big. Something noisy.
I can only hope whatever it is will finally end me.
There is shouting, the sound of feet running, and the added sound of a helicopter way too close to the ground.
More explosions, more shouting – this time in English, but I assume that is nothing more than a dream – another hallucination.
I can’t even pretend I still have hope.
Tired from the run, we walked back to the apartment. I fed Odin and sat down at my computer to check email.
Maybe if I just kept myself occupied with the mundane, I could manage to pull out of this.
“You killed her. She fucking trusted you – depended on you.”
“Shut up.”
Email never changed.
Some attorney in the UK was sure I was the long lost relative of some Irish land baron and would like to send me a lot of money.
The Art Institute had free admission to Chicago residents to the Picasso exhibit on Monday.
The place where I just had dinner wants me to save ten bucks on my next visit.
Nothing interesting, so I closed it and sat on the couch for a while, flipping through channels. It didn’t work, of course. I even tried some pay-per-view-porn, but it did nothing for me. My head was pounding too much.
“Better off with a hooker; they’re just not better off with you.”
“Shut up.”
I had to do something to clear my head, so I grabbed Odin’s leash and led him back outside and over to the dog run.
The sun was beginning to fade behind the buildings, but there was still plenty of daylight and lots of people around. The kids on the playground were loud, but all seemed to be having fun. The damn parking garage door sang out to all around that a car was about to exit, and I tensed at the blaring noise. Shaking my head to clear it, I sat numbly on the bench and let Odin do his thing.
My head was still throbbing, and I rubbed my fingers over my temples. When I brought them back down again, I saw a spatter of blood on my thumb.
“Is it hers? His?”
I rubbed at it and then laughed at myself.
“Out, out, damn spot!”
“Bleep! Bleep! Bleep!”
My arms tightened around my body, and I doubled over a bit. I hadn’t realized it before, but the sound was just a little too close to the perimeter alarm that blared in the middle of the night, signifying that someone had breached the exterior of our base. It was usually a false alarm, but it still woke everyone up.
“Too t