“What happens now?” I asked. Fear surged through my lungs and danced along my ribs. This was it. This was the do-or-die moment. Would he live up to my expectations or would he turn me away? My stomach churned and I looked for the little paper bag in the seat-back in front of me just in case I had to throw up. There wasn't anything in my stomach since I hadn't really eaten the artichoke dip, but I didn't want to risk it.
James ran his hand through his hair again and then rubbed the bridge of his nose like he was getting a headache. “I don't know, Allie.”
I stared at the paper bag, willing myself not to use it. Just because he didn't know, didn't mean that he didn't want me. Didn't want us.
“This wasn't in the plan,” James said after a moment. He stared straight ahead. “I'm working ninety hours a week. I travel constantly and I can't even keep a houseplant alive without someone else coming to water it.” He closed his eyes. “I'm still struggling with the idea.”
I tentatively held onto a thread of hope. He hadn't said he didn't want the child. He hadn't said that it wasn't possible. Just that it wasn't in the plan.
“I'm keeping it,” I told him, surprised at my own defensiveness. “I'm not going to terminate or give it up for adoption. This child is mine.”
His eyes went a little wide. “I would never-” He seemed to cut himself off to calm himself down. I knew what he was going to say and it made me
smile.
“I know you'd never ask me to give it up. I just wanted to let you know what I was thinking,” I said softly.
“How did this happen, Allie?” James asked, ignoring my statement. His voice was low and dangerous. “Did you forget to take your pills? How could you let me... I could have worn a condom.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a moment. I could lie. Tell him it was an accident. Birth control pills were only 99% effective, it was plausible that we fell in the 1%. But I didn't want to lie to him. I didn't want this child's life to be based on a lie, any more than it already was.
“I wasn't on anything,” I said. My voice trembled slightly.
James gripped the arm rest of the chair until his fingers went white. “What?”
“I wasn't on anything,” I repeated, my heart sinking into my stomach. He was going to hate me. “I've wanted you for so long... and it was just too hot to stop.”
“Too hot to stop?” James raised his eyebrows. “You're smarter than that.”
“Yeah, well.” I blushed. Time to lay all my cards out on the table. “I kind of wanted this.”
“You wanted to be impregnated by your stepbrother?” James was incredulous.
“I wanted to be impregnated by you,” I shot back. “I wanted you to be the father of my child. I always have.”
James leaned back into the seat and let out a long breath. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment, his brain obviously racing. I picked at my fingernails, needing something to keep my hands busy. I couldn't believe I had just told him that. That was probably the last thing in the world I should have said. Now he was just going to think I was a gold digger or that I was sick in the head.
I should have just stuck to the “it was too hot to stop” line.
“Anyway, I'm keeping it.” I tipped my chin up, determined to be brave. “You can choose to be a part of their life or not. But, I'm having this baby.”
“You think I wouldn't be a part of my child's life?” James rounded on me, his eyes blazing. “If it is my child, I'll be his father.”
My heart melted. He wasn't going to abandon us. He was going to be the man I knew he was and take this child as his own. I hadn't ever really doubted that he would, but the fear had still been there until I heard the heat in his voice.
“Or her father,” I corrected softly.
“What?” James looked confused for a moment.
“You said his father. It could be a girl.”
“Then I'll be her father,” he repeated. Something in James' face melted. He grew softer around the eyes and more gentle around the mouth. It made his handsome face somehow even more attractive.
Someone walked down the aisle at that moment, and bumped the arm of the man sitting in the aisle seat. Since he was half in James' seat anyway, the motion rippled into James. The man's elbow landed squarely in James' ribs. James glared at the man, rubbing the spot where the man had elbowed him. The guy didn't even open his eyes.
“I'm a fucking billionaire and I'm in fucking coach,” James whispered under his breath. “What the hell did I do to deserve this?”
I giggled and James glared at me. I promptly hid my smile behind my hand. It took a moment but I straightened out my face. “So, what do you want to do next?” I asked.