I thought about texting her right now, telling her to stay away from James. How weird would that seem? The younger sister telling her roommate that her older brother was off limits? Could I get away with it? Not without seeming weird, I thought with a sigh. She had to know the two of us weren't that close. How long before she started asking questions about our relationship? Would she start to spy on us? She didn't seem like a gossip, but you never know with people what will set them off.
The pharmacy's sign was in the distance, the mortar-and-pestle of the logo almost seeming like a mirage until I got closer. I hoped they would be open on a Saturday morning, and I sighed with relief as I saw the “Open 24 Hours” sign.
I went inside and headed straight to the feminine hygiene aisle. There were a thousand different pregnancy tests available and I wished I had paid attention to which brand was the best during all my pregnancy research. I picked the one that had the shiniest packaging and went up to the checkout.
The girl at the counter gave me a pitying look as she rang me up, especially as I paid for it and a pack of gum with a credit card. Just one more expense I'd have to try to explain to my dad, I thought with another sigh. With a meek voice, I asked where their bathroom was. The cashier pointed and almost seemed to sigh, as if she thought I was going to pee all over the stall and make a mess that she personally would have to clean up. I smiled and thanked her, then headed for the bathroom.
Luckily, I hadn't had a chance to pee before I had staggered out of James' apartment. I almost lost control while I had been retching, but I managed to keep it all in. I opened the box and took the applicator out quickly, nearly dropping it in the toilet as I grabbed it. I wasn't sure it would have worked after that and I was glad I didn't have to go through the pain of purchasing another. Without going into any more details, I managed to pee on it without making the stall a mess for the poor cashier.
I should have pulled out my phone and played with that, or thought about something else, or done literally anything other than just staring at my watch and waiting for sixty seconds to count down. The first line appeared immediately, but I knew that only meant the test was working. I watched as the forty second mark passed, then fifty seconds, then all the way to sixty seconds.
I couldn't see a second line.
For a moment, I didn't know whether I should be relieved or devastated. Part of me knew that at eighteen years old, I was much too young to be pregnant. Even if James did support me, it'd be a major change in my life. I still wanted to finish college, and it'd be really hard to be a good mother at the same time as I was attending classes.
But the other part of me wanted this more than anything. James was the best man to be a father that I could ever hope for. I had been feeling my belly every day for the past two weeks, and I had known that there was a baby already growing in there. I knew that I was ready, especially with James' help.
I looked down at the pregnancy test again, feeling a sense of loss already.
Was that a second line there?
I squinted my eyes. Was it just my own hope that I was pregnant that was fooling me? It really looked like a faint second line there. I couldn't be sure. The only other person within walking distance was the cashier, and I doubted she would appreciate me just walking up with a used pregnancy test and asking if she saw a line.
I looked as hard as I could, but really couldn't tell if it was just my imagination. My heart fluttered with hope as I set it down on the toilet paper dispenser and snapped a picture of it on my phone. I didn't quite know how I would figure it out, but I knew I had to. It might have to wait until I got back to New York, but I knew I would have to find out one way or another...
Chapter 35
I tossed the pregnancy test in the trash and left the drug store quickly. Part of me wanted to keep it as a memento, but I realized how crazy it sounded to want to carry around a stick that I had peed on. I walked outside in the cold, unsure of where to go next. I popped a stick of gum in my mouth to get rid of the throw-up taste from earlier and thought about what to do next.
Part of me wanted to run right back to James, to let him in on my possible discovery. Part of me was still mad at him for jacking off to pictures of Nicole. And part of me knew that he would try to tell me that it was too early to make any kind of assumptions.
Besides, I told him that I was going to see Anne today, and that was exactly what I had intended to do.
I pulled out my phone and texted Anne.
Hey, was hoping we could hang out today since I'm in town. Are you working today?
A text came back almost immediately.
No! Come on over! I'm walking distance from James' place, here's the address.
Just three blocks away. I was feeling a ton better, no longer thinking I was going to throw up. I felt downright chipper by now. My breath was fresh, and I was newly invigorated by what I knew I would now refer to as “The Ghostly Second Line”. I texted back.
Great, see you soon!
The address led to the tiniest little yellow house I had ever seen. It was adorable and exactly what I expected from someone like Anne. I could see plants hanging in the windows and the exterior was beautiful.
I knocked on the door but she was already waiting. “Come in! I'm so glad you came by. I didn't have anything planned but playing my guitar today, so this is a nice surprise.”
I stepped into the warm house and loved it immediately. Pieces of art hung from every wall in the tiny living room. A staircase led upstairs to where I assumed the bedroom was, and a kitchen was at the far end of the house. It was incredibly compact, but everything was there.
Anne looked perfectly comfortable, wearing a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. “I already have some hot water on the stove, would you like some tea?” she asked, being the perfect host.
“I would love some,” I answered
. She smiled and turned on a heel, going into the kitchen and getting out another mug. I kept looking around, admiring all the knick knacks. Anne looked young, certainly older than me at 18 years old, but I figured no older than twenty-two or twenty-three. Yet it looked like years of traveling had taken her to every corner of the globe. Maybe she just acquired these pieces off eBay or something. I had the feeling that wasn't the case, though.
I stood admiring one piece for a minute when she came up behind me with a mug. I smiled and took it from her. “You like this one?” she asked. I nodded. “I got it when I was in Haiti a couple years ago doing disaster relief.”