I just wanted it to be over with. I'd move on with my life, become a single mother, hopefully finish college. I might have to move back in with my parents, but there was always the community college that Tessa went to there in town. I'd be okay. Things would be okay.
I heard a “neeeeeerm” sound as a family walked by. A little blonde boy with a backpack on, probably about three years old, ran ahead of his parents. In his hand was a toy airplane, and he was making flying sounds as it dipped and soared through the air. He was adorabl
e.
When he saw me looking at him, he stopped and stared at me. I knew that kids that age didn't have any social cues about politeness, so I waved and cheerfully said, “Hi!” He immediately ran back to his dad and hid behind his leg.
His dad picked him up and carried him with one arm. “Hey, don't be scared,” he said. He turned to me and waved, saying to his son, “Wave to her and say hi back.”
“Hi back” the boy said proudly, waving his plane at me. I waved again and the whole family kept walking. The boy wrapped his arms around the back of his dad's neck and looked over his shoulder at me, waving until he was a few more steps away.
My fingers went to my belly and tears welled up in my eyes. That was what I wanted. It was what I always wanted. The family experience. A strong man for my son or daughter to look up to and hide behind when they were scared by a stranger. A father who would smile and tell them not to be scared and to be polite. A husband to teach my children right from wrong. I wanted all of that.
I couldn't let it go this easily.
The picture was still up on my phone. I pressed the “Share” button and clicked James' phone number. Along with the picture I sent a message.
James, this is the picture that I didn't want you to see. If you still never want to see me again, I will understand. He or she might not, though.
I almost deleted that last sentence, thinking it sounded too much like a guilt trip. However, I wanted a response badly. I wanted him to text me back immediately, telling me that all was forgiven, that he would send Oliver to come pick me up, that we would get a test to confirm the pregnancy.
I wanted him to tell me that everything would be okay.
I stared at my phone. I wasn't too surprised when a full minute passed without a response. It would of course take him some time to process what I had sent him. I would be shocked if it didn't.
Five minutes passed. Maybe he went back to wailing on his guitar. He'd contact me any minute now.
At ten minutes, my spinach artichoke dip came. I stared at it. Before, I was hungry. Now, I couldn't eat a bite.
I almost texted him again at twenty-two minutes to ask him if he had gotten my text, but I managed to stop myself.
At twenty-eight minutes, I couldn't stop myself any longer. I sent him the text asking if he had gotten my previous text. No response.
At forty-five minutes, I heard an announcement that my flight was beginning to board. I had one bite of the spinach artichoke dip even though I didn't have an appetite, then paid for it and got over to my gate.
As I walked in line down the gate to get on the plane, I kept thinking I felt the vibration of my phone going off. I would check it, and there would be nothing there. The Phantom Vibration kept going off every few seconds until finally I decided to just ignore it and wait until I got to my seat.
My row was empty when I got there, but I knew that they packed every person that they could on these flights. Luckily, I had a window seat, my preference.
People continued to file into the plane as I pulled out my phone. Still nothing. As the number of people standing began to dwindle, a flight attendant walked by, closing all the overhead storage bins. She looked at me, stating, “Ma'am, you're going to need to shut that phone off before takeoff.” She kept walking, not making sure I actually turned it off.
I looked at the time on the clock. It had been seventy-eight minutes since I had sent him the picture, and by now, I had to assume that he just wasn't going to respond. Maybe he thought I was making it up, that that hadn't actually been what I was hiding. Maybe he was lawyering up, getting ready to have me sign some other humiliating agreement with a monetary payout, like he had offered Audrey.
Maybe he just didn't care.
As my finger pressed the power button on the top of my phone and held it down, I felt an enormous amount of sadness. I was sure that this was “Goodbye” between James and I. My phone shut off, and as it did, I felt like my own emotions shut down. I leaned my head against the window and looked outside at the darkened airport. Without thinking, my fingers went to my belly, simply for comfort this time. I was too drained to even cry, but I knew how terrible I must have looked.
Someone sat in the seat next to me, and I felt self conscious about them seeing me like this. I didn't ever wear makeup, but I knew that my cheeks were bright red and that my eyes were probably bloodshot and had puffy bags under them.
“If you need to, you can use my shoulder to cry,” a familiar voice said. I cursed myself, thinking that I was so distraught that my mind was playing tricks on me. Still, I had to look at whoever had offered.
My mind hadn't been playing tricks on me. And, even though his smile was weaker than usual, it still managed to melt my heart.
“We have a lot to talk about,” James said.
Chapter Forty-Two
I blinked once. Twice. Though the tears in my eyes made it hard to see, I knew it was James. There could be no doubting that voice, that smile, that smell.