He cleared his throat. “Uh, hello, Allie? That was a joke.”
I smiled and laughed, and the laughter sounded forced even to me. “Oh, yeah, for sure. Listen, why don't we just forget about the phones for now?”
He shrugged. “I don't have anything to hide, and I'd like to prove that to you as soon as possible so that we can enjoy the rest of the weekend.”
“I am enjoying my weekend, James! I'm sorry I overreacted earlier.” I stole a nervous glance at my phone. All I would need is a few moments to myself and that picture would be deleted. “We have all weekend to look through each other's phones. Let's just relax for now.”
He looked nervous for a moment. Then, he slowly pulled his phone back. “You're acting kind of weird, Allie.”
I knew I was acting weird, but there wasn't anything I could do. I couldn't show him now, he deserved to find out a better way than this. And even if it was a negative test, he'd ask me why I hadn't immediately told him that I wasn't on the pill. He'd accuse me of tricking him, of 'gold digging' as he put it earlier. He'd be mad enough to leave me.
Anne was right. A lie of omission was still a lie, and it was bound to break up a relationship.
“I'm just... shy is all. Plus, I'm just so comfy here in bed.” I tried to sound seductive, but it sounded lame even to me.
“That's alright. I just want to take a look at all your naked selfies, and you can check out my phone whenever you want later if you don't want to do it now.”
So he was going to go straight to my pictures. I clutched my phone even tighter to my chest. “Could I delete the unattractive ones, then? I feel fat.”
James scoffed. “Allie, you weigh a buck twenty if that. Plus, I think I've proven that I find you pretty sexy no matter what you look like at this point.” He looked me up and down and his smile disappeared. “Let me see your phone.”
It was a command. His tone wasn't confrontational, but I knew he was serious. The picture was still there, waiting for him to look at. I had to try one last time. “One picture. Let me delete one picture and I'll hand it over.”
James' was super serious by now. “I can't believe this. I thought I was the one who had to prove that I wasn't a liar, but it turns out that you've had something to hide this entire time.” He pulled his hand back that had his phone in it. “I can't do this.”
Did I hear him right? “What?”
“I said, I can't do this. If you're going to complain to me about my imaginary girlfriends, yet won't accept a complete exchange of information, then it's hopeless. Either you can never trust me when we're apart, or you want complete access to my personal life without granting me the same in return. I guarantee I have a lot more to hide about my business than you have in that little phone of yours.”
I looked down, unable to look at him in the eye. I should just give him the phone now, let him see what I tried to hide. But somehow, I couldn't. My hand wouldn't release the death grip I had on the phone.
“I'm sorry, James,” was all I could say.
He scoffed. “Pack up your stuff, Allie. I was ready to give you everything, but if you can't even give me your phone, then this is over.”
I felt tears start to well in my eyes. This was the second time I was being thrown out of James' apartment, out of his life. The first time hadn't been my fault, and had been done reluctantly. This time, however, there was no one to blame but myself. Once I walked out that door, I was done. James wouldn't follow me to New York this time.
I thought one last time about handing the phone over to him, but I couldn't bring myself to. I just couldn't.
Without a word, I nodded my head. He stared at me for a moment, as if shocked that this was happening. With a shake, he stormed out of the room, closing himself in his studio. In a few moments I heard him playing his guitar. It was chaotic and violent, even more so than when I had walked in earlier today.
I turned on my phone and the picture popped up, mocking me. I could delete it now and give the phone to him, but I knew the damage was done. He would never trust me after this. Our bond that we had formed was shattered forever.
I walked around the apartment, gathering up the clothes that I had left scattered around the house. Most were in the guest room, but there were items hiding in several other rooms. I knew that I had left some clothes in the studio, but I was too sick to my stomach to try and get them. I put on another pair of jeans and a sweater that I brought instead. I felt numb the entire time that I packed up, tears occasionally dropping from my eyes but not really crying.
When I finished, I went to knock on the studio door to see what I should do about a ride to the airport. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw James' limo driver s
tanding in the doorway.
“Have you finished packing?” he asked.
“Oh, um... Yes, but I have to get something out of the studio.”
“I apologize, but Mr. Coleman does not wish to see you. Anything that you've left in there will be sent to you by mail.” He said it with absolutely no emotion in his voice. I wondered what James had told him. I wondered how often he had to kick girls out of James' apartment.
“Oh. Of course.”
There was a pause. “So are you finished packing?” he repeated. I nodded without saying a word. “I will drive you to the airport. Waiting at the ticket counter is a plane ticket. In addition, Mr. Coleman has instructed me to provide you with anything additional that you need in order to expedite your return and make you comfortable.”