I can't say that he's wrong. I know that he's right, in fact, because I've seen it with my own eyes. My parents, who spent so long getting together. Childhood sweethearts and they only had me young because they had already been together for so long. And they’re still together now, loving one another just as they did when they were teenagers.
Maybe he's right. How should I know? It's not like I've ever been in a relationship before, or I could say what makes one work. I don't even know what a real relationship looks like, not from the perspective of being in one. I don't know what it's like to fall in love at first sight, even if I imagined it might be a little something like this.
Love at first sight - it makes it sound so stupid. Like something out of a fairy tale or a Hallmark movie. But that's not the point. Even if I was attracted to him the first moment I saw him, it's gone beyond that now. It's not about looks, it's not about instant attraction. That's there, too, and I can't wait for him to take me all the way tonight. I want him to claim me. I want him to take me as his own. It’s going to be something that I will never forget.
But the more I get to know him, I also know that I want it to be more than that. I want this to be more than just a vacation romance that lasts a week and then is gone and forgotten forever. The fact of the matter is, he is my Dad's old best friend, and that means that we have a connection forever. How awkward will it be if he never visits us in States again, or if he stops talking to my Dad even, just because of what we did this week? How terrible would it be if he forgets me and I try to contact him again in the future only to find that he's moved on?
I know I'm in too deep already. I shouldn't have let it get this far. I should have pulled away, should have thought of some excuse like I was meeting someone that I’ve been speaking to from here before. Should have gone somewhere on my own, being the independent woman I wanted to be.
But how was I supposed to think of that when all I could see was how attractive he is, how he makes me want him, how grateful I am that someone like him wants to spend time with me? How was I supposed to turn him down, or use any kind of common sense at all?
Whatever happens now, I know it's too late for my heart. It's already fallen deep. I guess all I have to do is try to make sure that I get hurt as little as possible, which includes being embarrassed. And I should try and find out right now whether this is just a fling, or whether he really means something more.
I mean, he can't possibly spend this much money going to designer boutiques with a girl he only just met, if he doesn’t feel anything, can he?
“So,” I say, pretending to be interested in an information table near the wall which has some writings about the way the cathedral has been constructed. “Have you ever, um. Built something long-term with a woman before?”
Fernando gives me a raised eyebrow. “Why are you asking me that right now?”
“Just wondering,” I say quickly, then move on a few steps, taking in an elaborately carved statue. “I mean, I was just making conversation. That’s all. I wondered what your ex-girlfriends were like.”
Fernando shakes his head, and when I look up at him, he looks amused. “There’s nothing to tell there,” he says. “No stories at all.”
“Why not?” I ask, pouting. “You don’t want to tell me about how hot and awesome they were?”
“Hot and awesome,” Fernando repeats with a laugh. “No, I don’t have any hot and awesome ex-girlfriends. Anyway, why would you want to talk about that? The only person who matters to me right now is you.”
Right now. Great. So, as soon as I’m gone, there will probably be someone else.
I get it. Fernando doesn't want to go deep into any past relationship conversations with me because there's no point. Once I'm gone at the end of the week, it will be as if this never happened. For him, anyway. At least if he doesn't look at his bank balance. There's no point in getting deep. Like he said, things that are worth building take a lot of time. He made it all clear that this is all very fast, and that he doesn't really feel like it means as much as it might have under different circumstances. I get it.