“Umm.”
“How sweet.” Grandma patted her leg. “You’re concerned for him, I can tell. Don’t worry; he’ll land on his feet. Asses always do.” She paused. “Or is that cats?” She shook her head and tapped her chin with finger. “At any rate… he’ll be fine.”
“So you’re ruining him for his own good?” Char asked.
“Absolutely.” Grandma leaned over, her pert breasts spilling partially out of her low-cut V-neck. How the hell did she keep her body looking like that? Seriously. Grandma Nadine could sell her brand of awesome and people would flock.
“Everyone, and I do mean everyon
e,” Grandma smiled and placed her perfectly manicured hand on Char’s arm, “deserves a good ruin. It keeps them thankful. I’m going to ruin him, and in the end, he’s going to be a thankful and happy and fulfilled and…” She looked behind her. “Not uglier than sin—oh good lord, that boy used to be beautiful. Now he puts this stuff in his hair and gets facials and…” Grandma shrugged. “Ruin and dirt. He’s going to get both. By the time I’m done, he won’t know what happened to him. And if that doesn’t work…” Fascinated, Char could only wait for what pearls of wisdom would drop from Grandma Nadine’s mouth next. “There’s always seminary.”
“You’d send him to a seminary?”
“Absolutely not!” Grandma looked offended as she pressed her hand to her chest. “He’d offer to go in order to appease me and get back in my good graces—and God’s; mustn’t forget him. Jake’s been pissing him off for years. Bless his whorish heart…”
“Um, I don’t think you should say ‘whore’ and ‘God’ in the same sentence.”
“Posh.” Grandma waved her off. “I’m tired now. I’m going to rest my eyes. Goodnight.”
Apparently the conversation was over. Either that or the three glasses of wine had done Grandma in. She was snoring in seconds. Within the next twenty minutes they landed, and thus ended the weirdest and most terrifying flight of Char’s existence.
* * *
The very second the FASTEN SEATBELT sign went off, Char bolted from her seat. Grandma jerked awake and yawned.
“There already?”
“Yup.” Char wasn’t trying to be rude but she really wanted to put this nightmare behind her. As fast as humanly possible she went back to her seat where Beth was waiting patiently.
“We have to go, now!” Char ordered her sister. “Grab our stuff. We don’t want Grandma Nadine to think—”
“Char!” A familiar feminine voice yelled. “Char! I need help!”
Panicking, Char made a beeline—over chairs even—to Grandma’s side. The old woman was sitting patiently in her seat.
“Yes? Is it your heart? Are you sick? Are you—”
“My bags are heavy and I do believe I’ve had too much wine.”
Shock of the century. Last time Char had drunk that much wine in the course of twenty minutes she’d found herself face down in a dog bed next to a lab named Lucifer, who’d clearly taken advantage of her all night if the hair in her mouth was any indication.
“Carry them?” Grandma Nadine smiled so sweetly Char had no choice but to oblige. Which was exactly how she found herself at baggage claim an hour later with Beth, Grandma, and a swollen Jake in tow.
Chapter Five
The sunglasses weren’t helping. Staggering to the baggage claim, Jake tried the best he could to keep his eyes focused on the carousel; the minute his bags came he was bailing. Grandma was a grown woman. She could find her own damn hotel, and if he had to face Char again he’d either lose his mind and do something crazy, like stare at her lips, or strangle her. Truly, it was a toss-up at this point.
“Jake?” Grandma called to him. “Jake, did you find my bag yet?”
“No,” he ground out, “probably because I’m not looking for it. I’m looking for my bag. You can find your bags and go to the nice little hotel you always like in downtown Seattle.”
Grandma grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Oh, I already have a place to stay!”
“Fantastic.”
Grandma released his hand and pulled out her cell phone. “Yes, just the one limo, please. Perfect. Yes, we have two passengers.”
She waved to Char and another girl. Char ignored him completely, which was fine; he didn’t want to even remember this day had occurred. He walked to the other side of the baggage claim and watched as Char and the girl with her grabbed their bags and walked off. Good riddance. He just wanted to go to sleep.