“His high school sweetheart is marrying his brother. He tries to pretend it doesn’t bother him. But a grandma knows these things.” She patted Jake’s hand.
Ah… grandma. Wait? Was this the infamous Grandma Nadine Kacey was always talking about? Even though Char had grown up relatively near the Titus family, she’d never actually met the old woman before… until now.
“So…” Grandma leaned back. “I’m going to fix him.”
Jake groaned.
“You mean you’re going to neuter him?”
“Oh, honey.” Grandma choked on her laughter. “There would be nothing better for the boy than getting neutered. Did you know I even looked into a male chastity belt?”
Jake groaned again. “Dear Lord, save me from the female sex.”
“Sex,” Char snorted. “Kind of what got you in this predicament in the first place, wouldn’t you say?”
The flight attendant chose that exact moment to walk up. “Where’s the young man who wet his pants?” There was a nice pair of Depends in her hand.
Both Grandma and Char pointed to Jake.
Chapter Three
Karma. Oh, how he loathed it. That’s what was happening to him. After all, a guy can only whore himself around the world so many times before God starts smiting or killing, or in Jake’s case, plaguing him with emotional women.
“I did not—” Jake cleared his throat and whispered, “Have an accident. This woman here”—he pointed to Char—“accosted me.”
The flight attendant looked between the two of them. “With what, sir?”
“Water,” Grandma answered for him. “She threw water on him.”
“Um…” The flight attendant shifted nervously on her feet. “Sir, did you, um… that is to say… did you want to report her?”
“To whom?” Char laughed. “The air marshal? What’s he going to do? Taser me for throwing water on this one’s favorite anatomical part?” She thrust her finger in Jake’s face and laughed. “Seriously! It’s not like I said ‘bomb’.”
“Oh, hell.” Jake pinched the bridge of his nose as the word “bomb” was repeated and then murmured back through several seats behind him, until like a literal bomb the plane was in an uproar.
“Ma’am!” The flight attendant raised her hands in front of Char’s face. “Calm down. I need you to calm down. Do you have a bomb?”
“What?” Char’s face fell. “Why the heck would I have a bomb?”
Good. At least she had enough sense to stop talking when—
“If I had a bomb, it’s not like I would be stupid enough to announce it anyway!”
Just kidding. No sense, no logic. How could he forget? It was Char they were talking about. She adopted blind dogs and cried during the stupid Sarah McLaughlin animal rescue commercials. Clearly, common sense wasn’t one of her strong suits.
“Ma’am! I need you to stop raising your voice.” The flight attendant motioned to someone behind her. Within seconds a man in jeans and a white t-shirt appeared. Well, it wouldn’t be fair to call him just a man since he probably ate small children for breakfast. Even Jake shifted uncomfortably and avoided eye contact with him.
“Are you the one talking about bombing the plane?” The man asked.
“What?” Char looked to Jake for help. And honestly, helping her probably would have been the right thing to do, all things considered.
But, she had thrown water on his pants and then accused him of having an accident.
And there was also that one time in high school when she’d told everyone that the reason he didn’t play sports was because he was afraid everyone would see his girl parts in the locker room.
So, yeah. Perhaps he wasn’t feeling very Samaritan-like.
“Jake!” Char smacked him on the shoulder. “Help me out here!”