My abdomen clenches, and I swallow down a groan, my chest heaving. A tremor starts deep in my gut, and my cock pulses. It wants in, deep and snug.
Let her go. Kiss her. Let her go. Kiss her.
Rage fills me that I am so cocked up, I can’t act like a normal man.
I don’t know what she reads in my eyes, but her lips part, a little gasp escaping that I can practically taste. Christ Almighty, give me strength to let her go, or let me do her right.
The choice is literally ripped from my hands when she moves back, slipping out of my frozen hold.
“I have to pee,” she says baldly. The panic in her voice scrapes against my skin, and I flinch. But she’s already up, fleeing to the bathroom.
When the door shuts, I flop onto my back and let out a pained breath. What the sodding hell have I done?
Outside the open windows, a woman’s laughter echoes. I wince and rest a forearm over my eyes. I’d wanted to know how Sophie would react if I made a move. Running to the toilet appears to be the answer.
Nausea roils in my gut.
From the bathroom comes the sound of water, and I know she’ll return soon. A part of me doesn’t want her to. But I need to apologize.
She’s quiet when she gets into bed, crawling tentatively under the covers.
Words clog in my throat.
For the first time since we’ve started sleeping together, she doesn’t draw near. I feel the absence like a cold hand along my skin. I turn to say something, but she beats me to it.
“Good night, Gabriel.”
The finality in her voice, and the clear warning that she doesn’t want to talk, settles like a stone in my heart.
I swallow hard. “Good night, Sophie.”
On the opposite sides, I stay silent, listening as the soft sounds of her breathing slowly change into the steady cadence of sleep, and dread fills me.
I can’t do this any more. I cannot keep denying myself, and I clearly cannot keep my hands off her. Yet the idea of never sleeping next to her again fills me with inexplicable fear.
In her sleep, Sophie turns with a deep sigh, and her hand reaches out to me. I don’t move a muscle, but the whole of my being concentrates on the brush of her fingertips against my forearm. Such a small thing, her touch, barely even true contact, and yet I cannot pull away for the life of me.
Be her friend. I can do that. It will torture me, but not having this will outright end me. So I will tuck my needs away, put them somewhere deep and dark, and turn my efforts toward making Sophie feel happy and safe.
Chapter Fifteen
Sophie
* * *
“You okay, hon?” Jules yells in my ear. She can’t be heard any other way at the moment. Kill John is going full tilt, and music pulses around us.
I must look miserable if she has to ask right now. I give her a wide smile that feels pained. “Just a bit tired,” I shout back.
She nods and says no more, but I catch her quick, worried glance.
I’m a terrible liar. But what do I say? Hey, I think Gabriel almost made a move on me the other night. Only, how lame am I? Because I’m not sure.
God, I must be losing it if I can’t even tell if a man is making a move.
I am wreck. My mind is stuck on last night, going over every moment in detail.
I went to kiss Gabriel’s cheek. And he grabbed me, holding me close as if he’d also been unable to help himself. At first my heart had jumped into my throat, a heated elation rushing through me. I wanted him to kiss me more than I wanted my next breath.
But he didn’t. He stared at me as if I pained him, as if he was pissed. That look flipped everything on its head.
Had I gone too far by kissing his cheek? Was he telling me to cut it out? I panicked, so embarrassed I could have cried.
And call me a chicken shit, but I just couldn’t ask him what that look had been all about. Not then.
I might have caved this morning, but by then Gabriel was back to his slightly ornery but always solicitous self.
Now I’m at a loss. He insists this isn’t about sex. Maybe it truly isn’t for him. And there is no way in hell I’m telling him I want more now. Not with Gabriel “Ice Man” Scott back in control.
Call it pride, self preservation, whatever you want, but I’m not caving. No matter how badly I want to.
So now, I’m focusing on work. Which isn’t exactly a punishment.
Tonight’s concert is hot, frantic, and energetic. The boys play with renewed enthusiasm and verve. I swear there’s magic in the air. I crawl and scurry around their moving bodies, getting breathtaking shots: Killian midair, his guitar in one hand, his legs kicking out. Jax bent over his Gibson, his corded forearms flexing, his bare chest gleaming in the red glow of the lights. Rye standing on a massive amp, his hips thrusting, lower lip caught in his teeth. And Whip, arms flying, sweaty hair in his face as he beats the shit out of his drums.