Without question, Damian nodded. “On it.”
I knew I needed to talk to Aaliyah, because Damian was right. There weren’t a lot of times when the guy was ever wrong about anything. I just needed to build up the courage to go home to see Aaliyah, to actually hold a conversation with her. Yet, all of my plans evaporated the moment I showed up late one night and found her in her bedroom, packing some boxes.
“Hey,” I said, walking to her open door. She paused her movements and looked over to me. “What’s going on?”
She blinked a few times, seemingly confused. She was probably thrown off that I was actually at the house after being MIA for days.
“I’m packing.”
“For what?”
“I found a new apartment. I’m moving this weekend.”
My insides twisted at her words. Shit. I knew I was dealing with my own demons, but I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to stay so bad, but I’d been a fucking idiot over the past few days. “You don’t have to go.”
She didn’t look at me as she shrugged. “No, it’s fine. My boss gave me an early raise, and I’d been able to save up enough for a decent place. This situation between you and me was always temporary anyway, right? So, I’m moving on to my next chapter.”
I wanted to tell her to stay. I wanted to man the fuck up and stop being a dick and tell her that I was just scared. That I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that she wasn’t going to be around forever. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing or how to process my emotions.
But instead, I said, “What about the interview?”
I wished I hadn’t said that because I saw the flash of hurt that washed over her face from my words.
“What?”
“We never finished the interview. You were supposed to come down to Kentucky to see my past.”
“Yeah, well, that’s not going to work out. Besides, my doctors don’t think it’s safe for me to travel with my condition.”
With her condition.
Those words were another reminder to me that she was sick. That she was dying. That she was facing a time limit against life, and she was losing. Please don’t die...
Emotion sat at the back of my throat. I was on the brink of falling apart, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t express myself; I couldn’t tell her how I felt, so like a damn idiot, I stayed quiet.
“Besides, I think I have enough to write the article. I have everything I need,” she explained.
I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t be man enough to actually spit out the words. I should’ve told her to stay. I should’ve told her I’d be in her corner no matter what happened. I should’ve pulled her into my arms and comforted her because she had to be scared. She had to be terrified of everything that was happening.
I should’ve begged for her to stay, but, instead like an idiot, I let her walk away.
39
Connor
I left New York and flew down to Kentucky with my tail between my legs. I knew I’d made a huge mistake ending things with Aaliyah, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it right. Also, the idea of losing her was still so heavy on my chest. I couldn’t stop researching heart failure ever since I’d found out. I’d been looking for treatments, calling specialists, falling apart and hating the universe for bringing Aaliyah back into my life to only take her away from me again.
This shit wasn’t fair.
As my plane landed in Kentucky, I was greeted at the baggage claim when Mom rushed over to my side. Within seconds, her arms were wrapped around me, squeezing me so tight. I got choked up just from the comfort of her embrace. You’d never knew how much you needed your mother’s hug until you were on the verge of a breakdown.
“Oh, sweetie! I’m so happy to see you!” She looked around the area with wide eyes filled with hope.
My chest just about caved in when I realized she was searching for Aaliyah. “She’s not here, Mom.”
“What? But I thought you were bringing her into town to show her—”
“She’s dying,” I spat out. I couldn’t hold it in anymore as I choked on my words. Tears began falling down my cheeks as I whispered. “She’s dying, Mom.”
We got back home, and I fell into a deeper depression, just thinking about Aaliyah. I hated myself for being such a little shit. I hated myself for being afraid of losing her. I hated myself for abandoning her.
“Heart failure? But she’s so young,” Mom said as she made a pot of coffee. “That’s so heartbreaking.”