I started CPR on her as I heard someone behind me crying.
I didn’t answer her. Shit! I didn’t answer her.
“Please don’t leave me! You’ll always be the only girl I’ll ever love. Baby, don’t leave me! I swear to you, Casey!”
“By the time the ambulance got there, she hadn’t been breathing for over ten minutes. She was gone.”
I fought to hold my tears in. “I never got to answer her. She died before I had a chance to tell her what she wanted to hear. Since that day, I never took another moment for granted. Life can be stripped from us like that,” I said as I snapped my fingers. “I was living life for her. Every time I got behind the wheel of a racecar, I raced for her. Every time I jumped out of a plane, I did it for her. That rush I got out of it only reminds me that each day is a gift and how her life was stripped of that gift.”
Janet placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. “Oh darling, what a terrible thing to happen to you at such a young age.” She paused for a moment and then shook her head. “You can’t not ever love again, Malcolm. You need to open your heart and let love in. Casey would not have wanted you to go through life not loving someone.”
I looked down at my hands. “I know, Janet. I know. The thought of opening my heart to someone else is frightening, though.” I exhaled a deep breath as my cheeks blew out. The only woman who ever made me feel alive other than Casey had been Paislie. And the fact that I’d only been around her a few times and she brought out more feelings in me than even Casey did scared the ever-living fuck out of me. I was positive Janet saw it in my eyes.
“You’ll never know unless you go for it. Life is messy, you know that. But wouldn’t you have rather have loved and lost, than to have never known what that feeling of love was like?”
“Considering the hell I went through after her death, I’m not sure how to answer that.”
Janet’s eyes pooled with tears as I heard little feet running down the hall. Janet stepped away and headed over to the sink when Sophie ran into the kitchen.
“I showed Paislie my room and she said she would have loved to have had a room like mine when she was little!”
My eyes peeked over to Paislie who stood awkwardly in the doorway to the kitchen. “Did you show her where her room was?”
Sophie shook her head. “Nope. I thought you wanted to show her.”
Sophie skipped over to Janet. “Am I eating lunch with Uncle Malcolm and Paislie?”
With a laugh, Janet said, “Oh no! We’re having a picnic outside in the backyard under your favorite oak tree.” She reached for a basket and showed it to Sophie. “See! I packed us a lunch.”
“Oh yay! Let’s go, Ms. Janet! Let’s go!”
Paislie and I both chuckled as Sophie pulled Janet out the back door and down the path to Sophie’s favorite spot.
“She has a ton of energy; I don’t know how my sister does it,” I said as I watched them through the glass window as they walked away.
I needed to clear my head after talking about Casey. I stood slowly and pointed to the plates. “Would you mind bringing these over to the table? I’ll grab the grapes.”
Paislie stood there and looked at me with a blank expression for a few moments before walking over and balancing both plates on her arm while grabbing the grapes. “You’ll want to make sure you use the crutches; don’t try to put too much weight on your leg and knee. You’ll only do more harm than good.”
I didn’t say a word as I did what she said. Her tone was cold and distant.
Janet had already placed glasses of iced tea on the table.
“Hope you like BLTA’s. The A is for the avocado Janet insists putting on.”
She slid down into her seat and bowed her head. I was guessing she was saying a quick prayer. She’d done it that night on the roof as well.
“It’s fine, thank you.”
We ate for a few minutes in silence before I couldn’t take it any longer. “You changed your number, why?”
Without looking at me she answered, “You wouldn’t stop calling.”
“Paislie, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain.”
Her head jerked up. “Explain what, Malcolm? Why you called me a whore?”
Anger flowed through my veins as I shook my head. “I didn’t call you a whore.”