Frowning, I said, “Yes. That’s exactly how I feel. How did you know?”
She opened the door and jumped into the Lexus. “It’s called being in love, Kaelynn. Now go find your Prince Charming and figure this shit out.”
After the door shut, Millie gave me a thumbs up then drove off without so much as a backward glance.
Turning on my heels, I walked back into the house and set off to find Nash. He had wondered off after Jack left thirty minutes ago. Lord only knew where he could be. I searched the kitchen and then headed to the living room. Janet, the house keeper, pointed down the hall to the library.
“If you’re looking for Mr. Barrett, I showed him to the library. He’s got himself a cup of warm tea, would you like some, Kaelynn?”
“I would adore some, if you don’t mind.”
She smiled warmly. “Of course, dear. Give me a few minutes and I’ll bring it.”
Nodding, I headed to the library. My heart beat so fast I swore it was about to burst right out of my chest. When I walked into the library, I stopped when I saw him.
Nash stood in front of the fire looking at a picture of me at my college graduation. A part of me wanted to turn and walk away. I didn’t want to deal with this right now.
Turning slowly, I started to walk out of the library.
“Kaelynn.”
His voice was soft. Like the night he made love to me and whispered my name in my ear.
Turning, I forced a smile. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk now or not.”
His brows pulled in, as if he was thinking about something so heavy rather than being upset.
“Now is probably the best time since that’s why I came.”
“Right. Of course,” I replied, walking farther into the room and sitting on a chair in front of the fire. Nash sat opposite of me.
We stared at each other for the longest time before he finally broke the silence. “Why did you run?”
I cleared my throat, wiped a piece of imaginary lint from my jeans, and focused back on him.
“I was in shock, I guess. A million things ran through my mind about why you would be doing a background check on me. All of my life people have used me for one thing or another . . . in that moment, with you and after what we’d shared, I felt used.”
“Used?”
Nodding, I went on. “I saw Blake give you that envelope. You looked angry when you took it. I know I shouldn’t have snooped in your things, but when I saw my name on the envelope and then read it, a crazy thought entered my mind. I thought you were angry because Blake told you the truth about me and that you only slept with me as a payback of some sort.”
Nash’s eyes grew wide as he dropped back in the chair. The way he looked at me, like I had just stabbed a knife into his heart, made me feel sick to my stomach.
“Did it feel like I was putting on a show for you the night we spent together?” he quietly asked.
I shook my head. “No. And I realized after I got home that it was me who asked you to make love to me that night. It was me who wanted to leave the reception and go to the room. It was everything swirling around in my head at that moment, Nash. I know I betrayed you by not telling you everything about me, and I knew deep down all of this was my fault. Maybe I was trying to place the blame on you, rather than accept the fact that it was me who was the cause of all of this.”
“This wasn’t your fault, Kaelynn.”
My chin trembled and I forced myself not to cry. “I was going to tell you after the wedding. Before the wedding. The night you came over for dinner. So many times I wanted to tell you.” My voice cracked, and I paused to regain my composure. “I was so afraid. I know now how stupid it was, and I know I should have trusted you. Everything was happening so fast between us. I mean, after that trip to Houston, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You consumed my thoughts both day and night.”
He smiled. “It was the same for me.”
“Looking back, I see what a stupid mistake I made, and I would do anything to go back and do it right. That whole ‘hindsight is twenty-twenty’ phrase comes to mind.”
Nash leaned forward and set the mug on the table, then rested his arms on his knees. “Let me ask you something. If you hadn’t known about Lily and the history there, would you have told me sooner?”
I chewed on my lip. “I might have. That day we spent in the car and you asked about my family. Yes, I probably would have mentioned it. Maybe not gone into full detail, because like I said, it was always so hard trying to figure out who liked me for me and who liked me for my family’s money.”