Lynda tried to stop him. “Josh, wait, I thought we. ”
“Lynda, please, I just need to talk to Heather for a few minutes. Just give me a couple of minutes. ”
I walked as fast as I could down to the main barn. Before I could turn around, Josh grabbed me and pushed me up against the side of the barn.
He kissed me with so much passion that I almost lost myself in him. Finally pulling my lips away from his, I tried to push him away.
“Stop, Josh! Just stop right now! How dare you even think of kissing me after what you did to me! How could you?”
Josh went to say something, but I cut him off.
“You never had any intention of sleeping with me because you already made plans to fuck Lynda tonight!” I screamed at him.
Josh closed his eyes. When he opened them, I swore it looked like he had tears in his eyes.
“Heather, I don’t know how to explain this to you. I was trying to do something the only way I’ve ever known how to do it. I wanted you so much, but you just kept pushing me away, and. ”
“So, you’re saying this is my fault? I tried to explain myself the other day, but you wouldn’t let me. You just acted like a stubborn ass, and then you started hanging all over Lynda like the man whore that you are. ”
The moment I said it, I regretted it. The look on his face just about killed me.
“Okay. So, that’s what I’m always going to be to you, isn’t it?”
I just couldn’t stop. I needed to push him away before he hurt me anymore.
“I guess so…at least according to your text message. So, tell me, Josh. What was it you were trying to do? Forget about me by sleeping with Lynda?”
The look he gave me caused me to gasp.
“Oh. My. God. That’s it, isn’t it? You were going to sleep with her just to. . . ”
I couldn’t even finish my sentence. He was going to sleep with Lynda to forget about me.
“No…I mean, yes…no, wait. I might have sent her that text, but I wouldn’t have done it. Princess, I haven’t been with anyone in months. I love you. I only want to be with you. ”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. No…he doesn’t love me. I can’t breathe.
I took a few steps away from him. I leaned over, placing my hands on my knees. I needed my parents. Oh my god. Why did they leave me all alone?
“Heather…baby, are you okay?”
Josh started to reach for me, and I jumped back.
“No, you couldn’t possibly love me. Why would you even think about sleeping with someone else to forget about someone you loved? That doesn’t even make any sense!” I started to laugh.
Josh stared at me with a strange look.
“Heather, can we please just go back to Jeff and Ari’s place? Just to talk about this, please. I don’t want to lose you. ”
I looked up into his eyes, and my heart broke in two. I was about to do the only thing I knew to keep my heart from being broken anymore.
“You can’t lose something you never had. ”
Josh took a step back away from me. He started to shake his head.
“Don’t do this again, Heather. Don’t push me away. If you push me away this time, I swear to God… I’m done with all of this. ”
My heart starting beating so fast, and my legs felt like they were about to give out on me.