“Hey, honey, please don’t worry. It’s going to be okay. It will all be okay, Rebecca. I need you to calm down, okay?”
Two more nurses came in and asked for me to go with the one nurse to get ready for the C section.
All I could hear as I walked out of the room was Rebecca begging them not to put her to sleep. I looked down the hall, I saw Crysti She was white as a ghost and barely smiled at me as I started to make my way to her.
The nurse took my arm and guided me in the other direction. “Mr. Johnson, this way, please. We need to get moving. ”
I turned back and looked at Crysti who was just watching me walk away.
Something is not right. I had the worst feeling in my stomach, like something terrible was about to happen.
***
The moment I heard the baby cry, I almost started to cry. Thank God he was breathing and healthy. Rebecca would only be out for about thirty more minutes, so I took advantage of holding my son.
I just stared at him. I wanted so badly to love this baby, but I didn’t feel a connection. Is it because I missed out on so much of the pregnancy? Why am I not feeling anything?
I felt sick in the pit of my stomach, almost like I had lost something. I was confused though because I hadn’t lost anything. I had just gained something.
Dr. Wyatt came up and patted me on the back as he smiled at me.
“Dr. Wyatt, is he going to be okay? I mean, he looks strong and healthy. He’s so big for being born a month and a half early. Will he be okay?”
Dr. Wyatt just gave me a strange look.
“Rebecca was due in two weeks, Jeff. Her due date was July seventeenth, not August. The baby’s going to be just fine. ”
If I hadn’t been holding the baby in my arms, I was pretty sure my legs would have gone out from under me.
“What?”
“You thought she was due in August?”
“She told me she was due in August. She told me she was. . . ”
Then, everything that had happened –her wanting Crysti to pick her up, her panicking when I stayed. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This was her plan all along. She never had any intentions of me being at the birth because I would find out that she was further along than she’d said. Motherfucker. Everyone was right. Ari was right.
***
I sat in the chair next to Rebecca’s bed. When I heard her starting to wake up, I sat up, putting my arms on my legs. She looked over at me and smiled.
“Where’s the baby?” she asked as she started to look around.
“He’s fine. He’s in t
he nursery. They’re just waiting for you to wake up. ”
“Is he beautiful, Jeff?”
I just nodded.
“Why…why isn’t he in here? Why are you not with him?”
“Why would I be, Rebecca?”
She looked confused, and then it hit her. As she looked away, I saw a tear run down her face.
“You weren’t really due in August, were you?” I asked.