***
Putting my head down on my knees, I just cried. The moment when Josh had said almost those exact words to me, memories of my father had instantly flooded into my mind.
I couldn’t believe that Josh had also called me princess. He hadn’t known that my dad had called me that. At first, I had liked it, but then something had happened. When he’d kissed me, I had fallen even more in love with him.
I couldn’t let him get close to me. What if something happened to him, making him leave me like my parents did? I just couldn’t let that happen to me again. I wouldn’t let that happen to me again.
I thought about what Josh had said right before he’d left.
“I have feelings for you. Honestly, I feel things for you I’ve never in my life felt for any other girl, and that scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to walk away from you, but if you tell me that you don’t have feelings for me, then I’ll leave. I won’t ever bring it up again. ”
Oh. My. God. I’d let him walk away from me. I’d just let him walk right out of my life. The hurt that I had seen in his eyes would haunt me for the rest of my life.
Just then, my cell phone rang.
I slowly got up and made my way into the living room. By the time I got my purse and pulled the phone out, it had stopped ringing. I had secretly hoped that it was Josh, but instead, I saw that I had missed a call from Ellie.
My voice mail notification went off. After I hit the button to retrieve the message, I turned on the speaker phone.
“Holy hell, Heather! What happened with you and Josh? He just called Gunner, and he was so upset that Gunner could hardly understand what he was saying. Josh said something about going to get drunk. Before he hung up, he said he’d see us Wednesday. Please call me back on the land line at Emma and Garrett’s. ”
I hit delete and then tossed my phone on the sofa. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. What if he went out, got drunk, and slept with some girl? I’d over-heard Josh telling Jeff that he hadn’t had sex in months. I knew he was doing it for me. I threw myself back into the sofa.
Shit! I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I let out the loudest scream I could. What is wrong with me? What did that stupid therapist say? It was something about me needing to let go of the past to move on with my future.
Is Josh my future? I could certainly see him in my future. As I closed my eyes, I imagined what it would be like to make love to him. Would he be sweet and gentle or full of passion and lust?
I had so wanted to take off his shirt earlier, just to get a good look at his chest. I’d seen him without a shirt plenty of times. He had tattoos going up and down his arms, but the tribal tattoo that he had on his side was my favorite. Ugh!
Sitting up, I grabbed my phone. After I pulled up his number, I just sat there, staring at it for a few minutes. Then, I finally hit dial.
The phone rang and rang. Damn it Josh, answer the phone.
I hung up when I got his voice mail.
I waited ten more minutes, and then I called him again. This time, when I got his voice mail, I decided to leave a message.
“Hey, Josh…um, it’s me, Heather. Listen, I shouldn’t have let you leave like that. I’m sorry for what I said. Is there any way that you could maybe call me back or come back over so we can talk? I’ll be home all night. ”
After I watched two movies, I hit the gym. I came back home, and there was still no word from Josh. I decided to call him one more time. If he didn’t answer, then I’d know that he didn’t want to talk to me.
The ringing stopped, and then all I heard was lots of voices and music. It sounded like a bar. Oh shit.
“Josh? Hey, it’s Heather. Can you hear me?”
“Um. . . this isn’t Josh. It’s Marie. Josh is dancing right now. ”
“Okay, why are you answering his phone, Marie?”
“He left it here, sitting on the bar, and I saw your name pop up. He’s been talking about you all night long, sweetheart. My girlfriend, Jen, and I are out for a girls’ night. We’ve been trying to keep the vultures away from him. ”
I was so mad that I was shaking from head to toe. “Is he drunk?”
She started laughing again. “Ah, you could say. Listen, do you want to come get him? I can drive his car back to your place, and Jen can follow me. He seems like he really loves you. I’d hate to have some whore try to hook up with him tonight. ”
Wow, this is unexpected. “Okay, yeah. Where are y’all?”
“Fado’s. ”