I closed my eyes and pictured a little one running around the ranch. I would teach her how to ride a horse for the first time, play chase all over the country-side, and swim in the river.
My eyes flew open the moment I thought of Matthew. My sweet, sweet baby brother. I loved him so much. He made our lives so incredibly special. But am I as strong as my mother? Would I be able to handle a child with Fragile X?
I heard the screen door open. I pulled Big Roy back behind the tree while I watched Gunner and Jeff talking. I wondered if Ellie had told Gunner about me being pregnant. I knew that Gunner would honor my wishes and never tell Jeff.
I saw Gunner and Jeff shake hands, and then Gunner slapped Jeff while he walked back out to his truck. Running his hand through his hair, he looked so damn sad as he looked around again.
Ju
st then, my cell phone rang, spooking both Big Roy and me. Grabbing it quickly, I answered it without looking to see who was calling.
“Ari! I love you!”
I let out a laugh. “Hey, little buddy! I love you, too, Matthew. What are you doing today, sweets?”
“Can we go to lunch today, Ari? Please? Jeff too. I want to see Jeff, Ari. Where is he today?”
My heart broke.
“Um… well, I can have lunch with you today, buddy, but Jeff can’t. He has other plans with someone else. Give me a couple of hours to get home, okay Matt? Can I talk to Mommy?”
“Okay! Here is Mommy. I love you, Ari. ”
“I love you, too, Matt. ”
I heard Matt running up to my mother to hand her the phone.
“Ari, sweetheart, how are you doing?”
Oh, fuck a duck. The moment I heard her voice the tears started.
“Um…” I sniffled.
“Ari! Are you crying? What did he do to you, Ari? Your father will kill him. ”
I had to let out a laugh. God how I love my parents.
“Mom, I’m fine. I’m just a bit…emotional. Jeff didn’t really do anything other than drop everything this week whenever the bitch called him. ”
My mother let out a sigh. “Talk to me, Ari. Are you outside? It sounds like wind is blowing into your cell phone. ”
“Yep, I took Gunner’s horse out for a ride this morning. I needed some fresh air and a strong man between my legs to clear my head. ”
My mother let out a giggle and said something about raising me right.
“Ari, I hear it in your voice. Something’s not right, sweetheart. Please talk to me. ”
There was no way I was telling her about the baby.
“I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday mom, I’m getting tested. I guess I’m just scared. ”
That wasn’t a lie. I was scared shitless.
“Do you want me to go with you? Is Jeff going?” she asked.
I sighed as the conversation from last night came rushing back to me full force. I thought about Jeff standing on the porch, talking to Rebecca.
“No, Jeff isn’t going. Ellie and Heather are going with me. There’s no need to worry Jeff with anymore shit. I’ll be fine, Mom. I’ll have my girls with me. ”