I slowly opened my eyes to see him standing in the doorway. His eyes immediately captured mine. As I looked down his entire body, I lost my breath from just the sight of him.
“Hey, Baby,” he said huskily.
All I could do was smile. He walked over and kneeled down by the tub. He brushed the back of his hand down the side of my face. My breathing was louder and faster now, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to forget everything. He was here. He was here with me, and that was all that mattered.
“Jeff. ”
“Shh, let me love you, Ari. ”
Oh my god. I wanted nothing more than for him to do just that. He stared into my eyes like he wanted to tell me something so desperately. He almost looked…lost. What if he wants this baby to be his? What if- no I have to stop asking what-ifs and start talking to him about this.
“Jeff, maybe we should talk first. ” Shit, I can’t believe I just said that.
“I don’t want to talk, Ari, I want to make love to the only girl I’ve ever loved, and will ever love. ”
“Jeff…I. ”
The next thing I knew, he was sliding his hand behind my neck as he brought my lips to his. He kissed me with so much passion that I swore I was going to explode. He pulled away, reaching over to pull the towel off the rack. He got up and held the towel open for me. As I slowly stood and stepped out of the bathtub, I heard him suck in a breath of air.
I smiled at him. “You’re not getting tired of me yet, I see. ”
Jeff let out a small laugh and shook his head.
“Baby, hell would freeze over before I ever got tired of seeing your body. ”
He wrapped the towel around me and then pulled me closer to him. “I missed you today. ”
“Really? Cause you looked pretty happy at lunch with your baby mama. ”
Fuck! Why did I just go there? Oh my god, what is wrong with me?
“I’m sorry, Jeff. ” I said.
He ran his hand through his hair.
“What is up with you these last few days? Why are you being such a bitch?”
Oh no, he didn’t.
“What? Are you really asking me that, Jeff? Because if you are, then maybe you need to just leave!”
I pushed him out of the way as I made my way into my bedroom. I was so mad I was shaking.
“Arr, what do you want me to do? Tell me what I need to do!”
I spun around and just glared at him. “Well, for starters, stop calling me a bitch. Do you know what it’s like to be told that your boyfriend, the love of your goddamn life, is having a baby with another woman? To have your engagement night totally ruined because all you can think about in the back of your mind is how you will never be the one to give your future husband his first child? To have to know that you’re going to be at her beck and call for the next few months until this baby is born? Shit, Jeff…I might not ever be able to even give you a baby like she can. And you think I’m being a bitch? Fuck off, dickwad. ” I quickly wiped off the tears from my face before I turned away from him.
“Ari, I’m sorry I called you a bitch. I really am, baby. I would do anything if I could turn back the clocks and never even lay eyes on Rebecca. I promise you that, this is not going to come between us. Baby, we’ll have kids. I know we will, and. ”
“It is coming between us, and you don’t know if we’ll ever have kids, Jeff. If I’m a carrier of Fragile X…I don’t…. I don’t know…” I stopped talking and did the one thing I swore that I would never do. I felt sorry for myself. My body slowly started to sink.
The next thing I knew, Jeff was reaching for me and trying to pull me into his arms. That was when the anger hit me like a brick wall.
I pushed him away.
“Just go, Jeff. I need to be alone. Please just leave. ”
“No. I came over here to be with you, Ari. I want you,” he said, his hands still holding me.