Fuck.
I jabbed my hands through my hair and looked up at the ceiling. Motherfucker. Josh slapped me on the back, bringing me back to reality.
“Jeff, she’s right. Call Rebecca and set up a time to meet with her. You have to get this shit taken care of. I still can’t believe that you’re the one who got the baby daddy phone call. ” Josh said with a laugh.
“Yeah, douche-bag assmole! You should be the one with about twenty-five girls knocking on your door. ”
“Fuck no. I have three fuck rules. ”
Did he just say fuck rules?
“One, always use protection and buy the most expensive-ass condoms you can get. Two, never have sex drunk, and three, never have sex with a girl who is clearly in love with or obsessed with you. ”
I just stood there, staring at him. Bastard.
“Fuck off, Josh!”
Josh threw his head back, laughing, as we walked out of the barn. He stopped dead in his tracks, grabbed my arm, and turned to walk
us in the other direction.
“Jesus, Josh, I’m not in the mood for a romantic stroll with you. I’ve got to go call a crazy bitch who claims to be pregnant with my kid. ”
Josh picked up the pace and made his way around the other side of the barn. Shit. He was almost in a dead jog. What the fuck is he trying to get away from?
“Josh! What the fuck, dude? What are we doing?”
“Shit, Jeff, keep your voice down and just walk, dude. I’m trying to get the fuck away from Lynda, Gunner’s cousin. ” Josh whispered.
I wanted to laugh at him but, considering what I had going on with Rebecca, I didn’t need any bad karma.
Throughout the wedding reception yesterday, Lynda had spent most of the evening hanging all over Josh. Every time Josh had looked for Heather to dance, Lynda somehow showed up and talked him into dancing with her.
“What is she still doing here? I thought Gunner’s cousins went back to Austin last night,” I said.
“They did! Lynda claimed that she wasn’t feeling well, and get this, she ended up staying in the same room as Heather last night. God knows what the fuck she said about me to Heather. ”
“Wow. That’s messed up dude. What’s going on with you and Heather anyway? Are you ever going to ask her out on a real date?”
Josh stopped and looked at me. I almost laughed at the face he was making. Damn. I’ve been in his shoes before. I should really be a better friend.
“I have asked her, Jeff, like twenty times. Every time I ask her, she says no. I’ve done everything I can think of. She’s driving me crazy. One minute, she acts like she can’t stand me, and the next she looks pissed because I’m talking to another girl. Do you know when the last time I had sex was?” he said, clearly frustrated.
“Ah, no, and I don’t care to know, so don’t share that shit with me!”
“Four fucking months, Jeff! Four. I haven’t had sex in four months, and it’s all her fault!”
I just stood there and looked at him. Holy shit. he really liked Heather.
“How the hell is it her fault?”
“She has me all tied up in knots. Every time I get ready to have sex with someone, I can’t do it. I have to get dressed and leave. All I can think about is her. ”
As Josh and I made our way towards the house, I saw Heather with Emma, Garrett, Mark and Sue sitting on the porch.
Shit. I didn’t want to face Ari’s parents just yet.
Heather looked over and gave us a small smile before she turned to Garrett and Emma.