Courtney sat down next me and just held me in her arms as I sobbed.
“He took the best of me, Court. He took everything from me. ”
She moved her hand up and down my back. “Shh…I know, baby. I know. ”
“He broke me down so much that I don’t even know who I am anymore,” I said in between sobs.
“I know, honey, but he no longer has any power over you,” Court said.
“That’s just it. He does. He holds so much power in my world. It’s unreal. It’s like every little thing that happens triggers something. He’s always in the back of my head. I find myself looking over my shoulder, Courtney, waiting…waiting for him to find me and get pissed-off and teach me another one of his damn lessons. What if he’s just like that, too?”
Courtney pulled back and looked at me, confused. “What if who’s just like that?”
I didn’t even realize I had said that. “Nobody. ”
“Whit, were you referring to Layton?”
I pulled slightly away from her. “I don’t like him, Court. ”
Oh God. What in the hell is going on with me? I’m so confused.
Courtney got up and knelt down in front of me. “Look at me, Whit. Not all guys are like Roger. Whitley…you don’t have to be afraid to fall in love with someone, baby. ”
I shook my head. “No…I can’t…I can’t open my heart up like that ever again. ” My whole body began to tremble.
They’re all the same—all of them.
“Whit—”
I stood and started to cry again. “You don’t understand, Courtney. If I wore the wrong outfit, he’d hit me. If I told him to fuck off, he’d push me on the ground and kick me until I told him I was sorry. If I talked to another man, he’d drag me around the house by my hair. ”
I watched as Courtney put her hands up to her mouth as she began crying.
“Don’t you see? Layton is just another man who uses women. They’re all the same. ” I turned and walked up the stairs. I just needed to sit in a hot bath.
“Whitley…” Courtney ran up the stairs after me.
Right before I got to my room, she grabbed my arm.
“I’m sorry. ” Tears were rolling down her face. “If I had any idea of what he was doing to you, I-I would have…”
I pulled her into my arms. “Oh, Lollipop, please don’t do that to yourself. How would you know when I pushed everyone away from me?” I stepped back and wiped the tears from her face. “Hey. What about that book that was going to have me reaching for my vibrator? And by the way, I don’t even own one. ”
Courtney slowly smiled. “Um…you do now. I bought one for you before we left New York. I was saving it for your birthday, but I think this is more important. ”
I smiled and shook my head. “Court…you bought me a fucking vibrator? Oh. My. God. I don’t know whether to kiss you or slap the shit out of you!”
She jumped up and down and turned to run to her bedroom. “Wait—don’t go in the bath yet! Give me a second,” she called over her shoulder.
I took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. I closed my eyes, and all I could see was Layton and his drop-dead smile.
Those beautiful blue eyes—what would it be like to make love to him and look into those eyes?
I snapped my eyes open and tried to shake the image from my head.
What in the hell, Whitley? Snap the hell out of it. You. Do. Not. Like. Him.
Courtney came running down the hallway and skidded to a stop. The smile on her face caused me to laugh.