When I got to the door, I turned back one last time. Her eyes were closed, and she had the blanket pulled up and under her chin. She was so adorable.
And I was so fucked.
I walked into the living room to see Jeff sitting on the sofa. One beer in his hand, another on the coffee table.
“Must have been some date for you to bust out two of ’em,” I said with a chuckle.
He pointed to the one on the table. “It’s for you. I thought you might want one before heading off to bed.”
I reached for it, sank down in the sofa, and took a long drink.
“There’s something I need to ask you, Jeff. What in the hell did your mother say to Ellie to make her so unsure of herself?”
He dragged in a deep breath before letting it out. “I always thought it was her story to tell. I’m beginning to think it has affected her more than I thought.”
His eyes looked so sad, yet filled with guilt.
“When she was seven, m
y mom was really drunk one night. I wasn’t home, so Ellie was there to take the brunt of it. Funny thing was I was spending the night at a friend’s house, which I never did. I had to get away from my mother, though. I was always trying to get in between her and Ellie. Protect her from our mom’s hurtful words she lashed out with all the fucking time. When I left, she was sober. Not even drinking a drop. I thought things would be okay. She talked about taking Ellie to the park.”
Jeff’s hands pushed through his hair in frustration.
“When I got home the next morning, Ellie was sitting in the corner of the kitchen asleep. She still had on the same clothes from the day before, and my mother was fucking passed out at the kitchen table. I ran up to Ellie and woke her up. She started crying the moment she saw me. She rambled on about how our mother didn’t want her anymore, how hungry she was, and how Mommy had told her no one would ever love her. Ever.”
He stopped when his entire body started shaking. My heart ached for Ellie and Jeff.
“If I had only stayed home that night. It would have never happened, and Ellie wouldn’t have this messed-up idea in her head that she’ll never be good enough for a guy. She thinks her fate is to be alone. Like our mother.”
In the three years I had known Jeff, I’d never seen him cry, not once. Tears now filled his eyes, and it nearly brought my own eyes to fill.
“Jeff, you cannot possibly blame yourself for what your mother did or said. You were ten years old, for Christ’s sake. That is not your fault. You couldn’t save her from every little thing,” I said, while a part of me wanted to go and have a few words with their mother. I thought my father was an asshole. Their mother just pushed him out of the running and was in first place.
“Gunner, be patient with Ellie. I see how she looks at you and how you look at her. I think she is confused by her feelings for you. She told me tonight she is scared. She said she is having feelings for you that she never felt for Ryan, and she barely even knows you.”
I swallowed hard. I hadn’t read it wrong. Ellie admitted she had feelings for me. Where should I go with this? Shit.
“I see the panic on your face, dude!” Jeff said with a slight chuckle.
“I’m so glad you think this is funny, asshole.” I took the last swig of my beer and set the can on the coffee table. I felt like I was all over the place with my feelings.
“I have these crazy feelings for Ellie. I mean, shit. I’ve never felt this way before in my life. At first I thought it was because, you know, she’s your sister. That whole you want what you can’t have thing. The moment I touched her, I knew this was something I had never felt before. I have this insane desire to take care of her. What in the hell is that?”
Jeff laughed. “Dude, if I could tell you, I would. I know that feeling of wanting something so bad . . .” He stopped midsentence and stared off into space.
“What’s going on, Jeff? Do you have feelings for Ari?”
“What? What the hell makes you think that? Ari is like a sister to me. I mean, she is, well, she’s . . . she’s annoying as hell. She talks too much, and she drives me crazy. The only feelings I have for that girl are feelings of annoyance!” He got up and grabbed the two empty beer bottles and took them to the kitchen garbage.
Yeah, I wasn’t buying his load of bullshit even if he was.
“Okay, ’cause I was a bit surprised at how much you two were going at each other all day. I got the feeling there was some . . . tension there,” I said as I wiggled my brows.
Jeff stared at me for a brief second before saying, “Fuck you, dude. I’ve had a shitty night, and I’m going to sleep.”
I watched him as he walked to the restroom. “What? Was Rebecca not her normal, bubbly cheerleader self tonight?” I called out after him.
The only response he gave me was a middle finger shot in my direction.