Have. To. Catch. My. Breath!
I stood up and tried to rub out the cramp I was now getting on my side. Holy fuck…. I think I needed to start running……. . okay maybe walking and then work my way up to running. Oh my god I was rambling my own fucking thoughts now.
Gunner walked up and pulled me around to look at him.
“What was that about? Why did you run off?”
Once I got my breath back I just let go. I was tired, cranky, stressed out from school, never seeing Gunner enough, sitting and having to watch endless girls swoon all over his ass…. and now this. He is down in the barn looking like he was about to kiss some bleached blonde tight…oh fuck it……BITCH cowgirl.
“Oh I’m sorry Gunner. It’s just that it looked like you two needed a private moment to finish whatever it is you were about to start!”
“What? Ellie what are you talking about. ”
“Go fuck yourself ok. You let me sleep in this morning so you could spend some time with tight jean wearing who ever the fuck she is bleached blonde. You sure looked cozy with each other. I would say her name but funny thing is you never introduced her to me yesterday…. especially after she gave you a nice long good bye hug……. Fuck this. ”
I started to walk away but fuck…I still had the cramp in my side. FUCK ME!
“Ellie don’t walk away from me. Stop for just one goddamn minute. ”
“I’m going home. ”
I watched as he threw his hands in his hair and then pulled them down over his face.
“Baby please stop…. . I can’t do this Ellie. All we do is argue anymore and you keep getting pissed at me and I hav
e no fucking clue as to why. So you saw me talking to Jess, she is Drake’s daughter. We all grew up together. Fuck she is like a little sister to me Ellie. I was not about to kiss her or do anything else with her for that matter. I love you! Damn it Ellie! Why can’t you see that I love you…. I only want you. ”
You will never be wanted by anyone…….
“SHIT! When will her voice get out of my fucking head!”
“Who’s voice Ellie?”
I did it again. I turned around and saw the hurt in Gunner’s eyes. Why was I having such a trust issue with him lately? I really didn’t think they looked like they were about to kiss so why did I run off like that?
I felt sick to my stomach and just sat down and started to cry. Gunner was over and down on his knees in two seconds flat.
“ELLIE! What’s wrong? Do you feel sick?”
I just threw myself into him. He wrapped his arms around me and then sat down and brought me onto his lap. He was stoking my back and just kept saying it was alright. It wasn’t all right though.
“Gunner, I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I keep waiting for the floor to fall out from beneath me. I’m so tired of school already, I’m stressed out, my mother won’t stop calling me, you’re hardly ever around and when I do get to see you I have to watch girls throw themselves at you…. I’m just waiting for you to get sick of me and leave. ” I started sobbing.
“Sweetheart I’m so so sorry. I didn’t know your mom had been calling you. I wish you would have told me or Jeff. I know school is rough baby; you took way to many classes Ells. Football is almost over baby and we can be together more often. It’s all going to work out. You need to talk to me Ellie, we can’t keep fighting over little shit that means nothing okay?”
I nodded my head and looked up at him. His blue eyes caught mine and I sucked in a breath from the smoldering look he was giving me. He slowly started to pull me down and leaned me back on the grass and started to kiss me.
After I came back down to earth Gunner leaned in against my ear and whispered to me.
“Another first baby! Orgasm next to the tank. ”
I let out a laugh and looked at his beautiful smile. Maybe everything really was going to be ok.
December……
“I cannot believe you’re getting married Amanda. What the fuck? Don’t you think this is a bit too soon?” Ari said for the fifth time since we picked Amanda up at her apartment.
“Ari, I’m madly in love with Brad and he is madly in love with me. We want to get married as soon as possible so no, I don’t think it is too soon.