We heard a puppy bark. All three of us turned to see Mireya playing with Bella.
“Bella,” I whispered as I broke down crying. Meagan quickly dropped to her knees in front of me.
“Baby, it’s okay to cry. Shit, it’s okay to be angry.”
Nodding my head, I pressed my lips together. “I am angry. I’m mad at myself for not going with him.” Meagan shook her head as tears slipped down her face.
“I’m angry at, Jase. I’m so angry that he left me. He promised me it would all be okay. He swore to me he would never hurt me again.”
Grace joined Meagan as she looked up at me. “You can be angry, but don’t be angry at Jase. If he had the choice you know he would never hurt you. It was an accident, Taylor. Something out of his control.”
My hands came up as I buried my face in them. “I know! Oh God I know that and I hate myself for being angry. My emotions are everywhere and I just want to scream.”
“Sounds like to me . . . you need to take a walk.”
Dropping my hands, I jumped up when I heard her voice. “Grams!”
She held her arms out as I gently hugged her.
“I’m not going to break, child. Give me a proper hug and then let’s go for a walk.”
Chuckling, I nodded as I hugged her then wrapped my arm with hers. We slowly started down the stairs and toward the barn.
“I’m not as young as I once was . . . but I still walk a mile a day, you know.”
My heart felt lighter instantly. There was something about Grams that had always soothed me. “Grams, did you ever lose hope when times got hard?”
She made a tsking sound and then nodded. “Everyone loses hope at times. It’s all a part of life.”
“I kne
w things were too good to be true. It was as if I was waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath us.”
“Nonsense. Don’t ever think that way again. God doesn’t give you happiness just so he can yank it away. He may throw a few heartaches in there, some anger, some confusion, stubborn men who will always be stubborn.”
Giggling, I knew she was talking about Gramps. “But, sweetheart, he doesn’t take happiness away from us.”
Sniffling, I fought to keep my tears at bay. “I don’t feel very happy right now.”
“No. I’m sure you don’t. You probably feel helpless and maybe even giving up hope that . . . oh fiddle sticks . . . what is your beau’s name?”
Smiling wide, I answered, “Jase.”
“That’s right!” she said as she snapped her fingers. “Jase.”
We stopped outside the barn and sat on a bench. Looking back at the house, I saw everyone making their way outside. I’d heard Whitley mention something about heating the pool. Both Baylie and Mireya were running on the tanning ledge as Bella jumped in and out of the pool.
“The whole crew is here. Everyone except, Jase,” I whispered.
Grams placed her hand on my leg. I watched as everyone set up food on the outside tables. Grayson kissed my sister as he placed the twins in a portable playpen.
“Jase would love to see this. Everyone together.”
My chest ached as the scene played out in front of me. Everyone was sad, but going on with their lives and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and dream of what my future with Jase would have been like.
“If God doesn’t want us to be unhappy . . . why did he take Jase from me?”
She remained silent for a few moments. “Think how unhappy you would have been if you hadn’t loved him at all.”