She reached for her right crutch and stood. He wouldn’t join her until he was sure she was asleep, and they would have lost something precious. She wasn’t ending this evening sleeping without him. The question was how to make him see reason. “Hutch, please.”
“Noelle, I’ve given on the important thing.”
Yes, and he was punishing himself over it. Still, she had to consider the fact that her pushing back had made him change his mind about her. “Do you not want to sleep with me because I’m not doing what you want me to do?”
His eyes finally came up. “I’m not sleeping with you because I want to eat you up, Noelle. I want to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow without feeling my dick inside you. I want to dominate you, need it to feel like I control one fucking thing in my life—the best thing in my life. I want to tie you up and do whatever the fuck I want to you, and you are not ready for that.”
Oh, she felt ready for that. “Okay.”
“No, you took your first training class tonight. I’m not going to throw you in the deep end.”
“But my Dom swims so well. I can understand not trying things if you weren’t already good at them, but you need something and I’m willing to give it to you. I’m eager to give it to you.”
He shook his head. “No. I’m not going to risk it.”
He wasn’t trusting himself, but she had faith in him. Now she just had to push him to make him understand that she could handle what he needed, that she trusted him implicitly. She couldn’t prove that if they were sleeping apart. They were at a crossroads. That idea struck Noelle forcibly. What happened tonight would set them up for a good long while. She could be his trainee—treated gently but held at a careful distance—or she could be his lover.
Being his lover might require some manipulation.
“Is it because I’m fragile? Because you got a good look at my legs tonight and you’ve changed your mind?” She knew it wasn’t true, but she was willing to give his anger somewhere else to go.
Because she trusted him with her body and her heart.
That got his eyes to flare, and he crossed the space between them. “What did you say?”
Yes, now she had his attention. “I stated aloud my worry that you no longer find me attractive. Also, that you think I’m too fragile to have sex with.”
His hand gripped the back of her head, tangling his fingers in her hair and giving her a tease of pain. “I’ve already had sex with you, Noelle. So either you’re manipulating me or you don’t understand me at all, and I don’t believe that. I think you get me like no one ever has before.”
“And I think you don’t understand how far I’ll go to comfort you,” she whispered back. Because she did get him. She was rapidly discovering that he was part of her soul. “I know you’re nervous about me going back to the office, but I’m going to be okay. We’re going to get through this, and you’ll be stuck with me because you decided to be my training Dom. No matter what happens you’re stuck with me for six whole weeks.”
That big hand of his tightened, lighting up her scalp. “You know damn well I’m stuck with you. And you know you’re gorgeous.”
“I know you think I am, and I’m grateful for that,” she corrected. “I also know you think I can’t handle what you need. You think you’re pushing me by pulling my hair, but it’s doing nothing but getting my nipples hard and making me wish you would kiss me.”
He loomed over her. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“I know that there’s more boiling under your surface than what happened tonight. It’s all coming back. All of it. Being out of control. Being a victim. You’re worried that’s what’s going to happen to me and you’ll lose me. And tonight you’re worried that the D/s you need to feel in control will hurt me like your dad hurt you and your mom, but it won’t because it’s not the same. It’s something we both need to feel whole and complete, and that makes it beautiful. That makes it a part of what it means to be us. I’m asking you to share that part of yourself with me. I thought this was happening too fast between us, but I’m done pushing you away. So take me. Show me. Teach me. Above all, be with me. In this moment and every moment we have from now on.”
His head dropped down to hers and she knew she’d won this fight.
Chapter Twelve
Hutch let go of any notion of not having her tonight. She was a little brat who desperately needed some discipline and a whole lot of pleasure.