That made him straighten up some.
I motioned around the room and then to him. “To see you so…weak.”
“Weak?” he repeated with a smirk.
“Yes, weak. You’re running from something, and no matter how many pints of whiskey you drink, you’ll never be able to outrun it, Dirk.”
The corner of his mouth twitched up as he let out a scoff. “What about you, Merit? What are you running from?”
My heart raced in my chest. With a voice that cracked with sadness, I answered truthfully, “My heart.”
That caused his smirk to fade in an instant. “Your heart? What about it?”
Tears pricked at the back of my eyes as I blinked rapidly.
Do not cry. Do. Not. Cry.
“I’m tired of it always hurting.”
I’m tired of you always hurting it, I thought.
He frowned and then looked away.
“Michael stopped by earlier to help your mom with some chores.”
His body visibly flinched.
“Your father wouldn’t want you to do this, Dirk. I don’t know what you’re going through, and I won’t pretend I do. A part of me feels like I’ve lost my own father, and even my mother, if I’m being honest. She’s pulled back into herself so much after filing for divorce, and right now I really need…”
He jerked his head back up to look at me. I couldn’t help the tear that slipped free.
“You need what?” he whispered softly.
I stood straighter and lifted my chin in a sad attempt at strength. “I need her, as I’m sure your mother needs you.”
With that, I turned to leave, but his voice stopped me in my tracks.
“Do you ever plan on telling me about the baby?”
My breath left my lungs all at once, and I bent over for a moment, trying to breathe. I shivered, and my entire body felt heavy. I could hardly move, like every ounce of blood drained out of me in one swift motion.
Slowly, I turned to look at him. “Wh-what?”
He smirked again. “I know you’re pregnant, and I know it’s my baby.”
My heart slammed against the wall of my chest. He knew. How had he found out?
“Answer me, Merit,” he spat out. I could hear the anger in his voice.
I swallowed hard and forced my mouth to work. “Of course, I was going to tell you. I…I just didn’t know how.”
He laughed. “Seems pretty simple to me. You walk up to me, look me in the eyes, and say, ‘I’m pregnant.’”
A rush of anger replaced my anxiety. “You think it would have been that easy?”
It was his turn to shrug, and it enraged me.
“Every time I went to tell you, I couldn’t.”
“Why? Too much of a coward?”
I opened my mouth to defend myself, but it was true. I had been a coward. Then he drove the knife in even further.
“Did you do it on purpose?”
His words felt like a slap across my face, and for the briefest moment, I thought maybe he regretted them, but the expression on his face was gone as quickly as it came.
I stood tall and crossed my arms over my chest. “Of course not. I’m not that type of person.”
“I don’t know who you are anymore.”
I dropped my arms to my sides and balled up my hands into fists. “I didn’t do anything on purpose. And just so we’re clear on this, I don’t need you. I don’t have some fairytale idea that you’re going to fall madly in love with me simply because I’m carrying your child. If you want to walk away and never look back, I’ll be fine. We’ll be perfectly fine without you.”
It was his turn to look wounded. Good. I was glad my words hurt him.
“You think I’m going to not own up to my own mistakes?”
I gasped and covered my stomach with one hand, my mouth with the other.
Dirk squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head, then looked at me. “Fuck. I didn’t mean it like that.”
I dropped my hands to my side again and let go of the battle not to cry. Tears welled in my eyes until they finally spilled over. Dirk took a step toward me and then stopped.
Suddenly, I felt so tired. I wanted to crawl into my bed and sleep for days and days. My voice was barely a whisper. “Mistake?”
“I didn’t mean it—”
“Stop,” I said on a sob. “Just stop.” I wiped fiercely at my face and shook my head. “You do not have to be a part of this…of this child’s life. I’m not asking you for anything.” I hated that my voice sounded so defeated, but it was how I felt. “You don’t need to feel burdened by…your mistake. You’re free to continue on with your life as you see fit. Bull riding, endless women in your bed, it matters not one fucking bit to me. I’m done feeling this empty pit of loneliness because of you, Dirk. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t. And I won’t.”