If only he knew how much I needed him.
Before I lost control of the tears that were stinging the back of my eyes, I grabbed my purse and started to slide out of the booth. “Well, I should get going. I’ll see you later, Dirk.”
I felt him behind me as I made my way through the restaurant. I prayed he wasn’t going to follow me outside.
“When are you going to France?”
I stilled for a moment before I turned and looked at him. “What?”
“France, I saw the brochure. You’re going with your ex, or your current boyfriend, I don’t know what he is to you. I saw his name, so assumed you were going with him.”
My entire body shivered, and I suddenly felt cold. I reached up and ran my hand over my other arm in an attempt to warm up, even though it was mid-July and hot out. Dirk thought I was going to France with Chris? I felt my face screw up into a confused look. “I’m not seeing him and haven’t seen him in months. We don’t even talk.”
Something moved across his face. “Oh, sorry, I assumed.”
“The brochure was old. I found it and actually started to list some dream cities I’d like to go to. Chris and I had once planned on going to France, but I backed out.”
He smiled, then looked away for a moment before he turned back to me. “You should go.”
I gave a shake of my head. “Things in my life have changed; I’m not able to jet off to France and take a little tour.”
Dirk took a step closer to me, and I froze. I hadn’t realized how much I wanted to feel him so close to me. To feel his arms around me and his mouth on mine. I nearly moaned thinking about it.
“Is it money? Bugs, I told you I could help you with the farm.”
It felt like someone had thrown ice water on my body. I took a step away from him and clenched my fists tightly. I suddenly felt so damn angry, I wanted to scream. “No, it has nothing to do with money. And I already told you, I don’t need your money, Dirk.”
He nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Well, then, if there’s anything I can do to help, I hope you’ll let me know.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I had to blink rapidly to keep from crying.
Dirk noticed, and he placed his hands on my shoulders and bent down to look at me. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
I shook my head and then twisted out of his embrace as I took a few steps back from him. “I’m sorry, I-I need to go.”
Turning on my heels, I quickly headed down the street. I had to force myself to walk calmly and not run as fast as I could. Because that was exactly what I wanted to do. Run as fast and as far away as I could all over again.
Chapter Seventeen
DIRK
I brought Percy to a stop when I saw my mother making her way to the barn. I had saddled up my favorite paint horse for a much-needed ride, for both of us. Now I jumped off him and made my way toward my mother.
She looked better today, after what I hoped was a good night’s sleep. At least she had some color back in her face. It had been three weeks since my father had passed away, and I thought the ache in my chest would have eased by now, but it hadn’t. At times it almost felt unbearable. I worked around the ranch nonstop to keep my mind busy, and by the end of each day I was so exhausted, I fell into bed and tried to sleep. Thoughts of my mother and Merit plagued me, though, and I was lucky if I got four hours of rest a night.
“Hey, you’re up early,” I said as I leaned down and kissed her.
“You let me sleep in, and I had a ton of things to do around this place before lunch today. Have the sheep been fed?”
I started making my way to the barn to unsaddle Percy and hose him down. “Yes, ma’am.”
She raised a brow. “The goats? Chickens?”
“All have full bellies.”
A smile slowly spread across her face. “Thank you, sweetheart. I should probably look at hiring some more ranch hands to help out around here.”
“You don’t need to do that, Mom. I’m perfectly capable of handling the chores, and we already have Steve and Josh,” I said as I started to take the saddle off of Percy. It was about that time Josh rounded the corner.
“Good ride?” he asked me.
I smiled. “Yeah, I needed it.”
He gave me a knowing look. Josh had been working for my father for the last five years. He knew this ranch probably better than any of us, with the exception of my father.